100 Things About Moi

I tried to do one of these a long time ago, but never made it to 100. Here goes nothin'.

1. I had no middle name up until 1 year and 14 days ago.
2. My middle name is my maiden name.
3. Bub is a nickname I gave to my husband after calling him that one day. It stuck but it is a recent nickname as we've been together for a little over 6 six years.
4. My husband started calling me Bub, too. So we're both Bubs.
5. I've been at my current job for almost 2 1/2 years.
6. I think I'm ready for a change, but my next move has to be strategic.
7. As Daily Editor will tell you, Boston is a tough place to do what we want to do.
8. I used to work wtih Daily Editor. She's a cool lady.
9. No one at work (knock on wood) knows about my blog. I'd like to keep it that way since I like to complain about the place.
10. My family and in-laws don't know anything about the blog either.
11. When I'm pissed I slam the door and use profanities.
12. Bub hates it.
13. I'm afraid of death.
14. I'm afraid of sleeping at home alone. I get creeped out that someone is trying to break in or is in the house.
15. I get coffee envy. If someone has coffee in the morning at work and I don't, I get slightly annoyed that I didn't stop on the way to work.
16. We have an espresso/cappuccino-maker at home. I don't need to buy any damn coffee.
17. I'm a car commuter while Bub is a train/bus commuter.
18. I check my email just about 1,213,754 times a day. I'm a little obsessed.
19. I check my junk mail first in case anything slips in there. Heh.
20. I'm ten years younger than Bub.
21. We have two turtles: red-eared sliders, Stella and Fred (or George--he has two names).
22. Stella is bigger than George, but younger.
23. They fight.
24. I'm an adventurous eater. I love European breakfasts with the cured meats and cheese.
25. Bub tells me that's adventurous. Maybe that's just a nice way of telling me I like to eat : )
26. My mom tells me I have the twin gene. My grandmother had a twin.
27. I want to move to a bigger home before we start trying to get pregnant.
28. I want to paint the nursery and get it ready while I have a belly.
29. We only have one bedroom now which could make having a baby hard.
30. I applied to law school and got rejected.
31. Three times.
32. I'm okay with that.
33. I want to go back to school for my MFA, but can't justify spending money on classes where I only write.
34. I secretly think I'm not good enough.
35. I want to open a bakery, but I'm not sure if I like it as just a hobby.
36. I'm an aggressive driver.
37. Bub hates it, yet he's one, too (sorry!)
38. Bub is one of my only loyal readers. He never comments, though.
39. I'm a great speller.
40. I marched in Bush's first inaugural parade--the present Bush.
41. I don't care much for him, but the televised parade was pretty damn cool.
42. I was in the marching band in college and in high school.
43. I didn't play an instrument; I was in the color guard.
44. I was a stressed bride.
45. I got the worst sun burn the month I got married and the lines didn't go away.
46. I wore a strapless dress.
47. My makeup person was awesome. Nothing showed.
48. I've been to Europe 6 times.
49. Most of those times I was in Germany for work.
50. We've talked about moving to London.
51. I don't think we will.
52. I want a doggy and a kitty.
53. This list thing is really hard. I'm a procrastinator.
54. Shhh, don't tell work.
55. There are a bunch of things I could be doing now.
56. I love spas and especially love getting a manicure or a facial.
57. My first manicure was when I went to prom.
58. I asked my prom date to go with me and not the other way around.
59. My best friend from college and former roommate doesn't talk to me anymore.
60. I'm not the only one, but I feel that the friends I used to be close to changed.
61. It hurts and it's hard to meet new people aside from those you first meet at a new job.
62. I've had thoughts of ending this blog.
63. But I have a pretty good track record. It'll be 2 later this year.
64. My following is invisible, if that.
65. I think I need to give my writing a pep talk.
66. I like beer. But only the good stuff.
67. I like red wine better than white.
68. Most mixed drinks can go to hell save sangria and espresso martinis.
69. I like blogs that make me laugh. Thanks guys.
70. I'm stunned I made it this far on the list. I have had dreams about being killed.
71. They're not frequent and haven't happened in a while.
72. I like well-worded emails better than when someone calls me on the phone at work.
73. I wear contacts.
74. My first pair of glasses was purchased in the second grade.
75. I sat next to my crush "Chris" at school and told him I was getting glasses.
76. He said he would break them. I was in love. But he smelled.
77. I love chocolate.
78. I'm allergic to penicillin.
79. I broke my wrist in the first grade after I wore my brand new patent leather shoes for our Christmas concert.
80. I got a snoopy sling and had to write with the opposite hand for weeks.
81. I'm a lefty.
82. The first time I was on a plane was my senior year of high school.
83. I went on a cruise with my best friend and her dad.
84. It was, like, so awesome!
85. She's still my best friend.
86. We can't eat chicken for dinner unless we're at a restaurant.
87. Bub is allergic so we don't have it at dinner. I'll have turkey sandwiches at lunch, though.
88. My list is almost done. I love lip gloss.
89. But recently switched over to lipstick.
90. I'm still adjusting.
91. I love Sephora.
92. I used to be a gym rat and now I barely make it there twice a week.
93. I lost a lot of weight from school (or so I'm told) but think I can do at least one size smaller.
94. I used to be really thin when I was younger and my pediatrician threatened me with a trip to the hospital if I didn't start eating more.
95. I used to play the violin and took private lessons; I own my own and haven't picked it up in years.
96. I was an English major.
97. My boss makes me feel dumb. Most of the time.
98. I love to bake, especially when there aren't any sweets around.
99. We went to the Cape every summer growing up--maybe that's why that whole first time on a plane thing didn't happen right away.
100. I took ballet (then pointe, jazz, and tap) lessons for 13 years with the same teacher.

That's my list! Here's another couple of Maine photos, too.

First: One of the lighthouses we saw while we were away.

Second: The view from FDR and Eleanor Roosevelt's 10,000 square foot cottage...

Missing

I decided on my drive home from work today that I would compile a list of things I'm missing so as to further assess whether or not I need these things. Forgive me if some seem shallow. Forgive me if this post is rough. I've had too much wine far too soon in the week to have it hit me hard come time when I'm at my desk tomorrow morning.

1. Cute brown flats
2. An MBA
3. A master's in writing
4. A doctorate in anything
5. A drive for the gym
6. A "VP" as part of my title
7. A 6-figure salary
8. A secure self image
9. A non-comptetitive streak
10. A house
11. A child
12. A bus (OK, I'm running out)
13. A brother (I don't have one, it's not that I miss him; he doesn't exist)
14. A motorcycle license (Bub has one)
15. A cat
16. A dog
17. A 2-bedroom home
18. A head of blonde hair
19. A funny demeanor
20. ....

OK, that was fun. Let's do it all over tomorrow.

Ready for Summer

I know, we only started having spring weather and I'm already rushing through to the next season.

But today I learned that I was wrong about our vacation policy. I do not have to wait until my 3rd anniversary at the company to receive an additional week of time off. No, I will start earning this extra time off at the start of my third year here, which is in June. I've rejoined the land of the living and will have more than 2 weeks of vacation this year, and a little over 3 next year. Thank goodness. It was hard saving up all my time off last year for our wedding, and I was lucky that I gained a few extra days when I worked weekends at various book fairs. Now there will be no more scrounging around for time so that I'm not the only person working during the holidays or because I couldn't take a long weekend around the 4th of July. Now I can use a vacation day here and there and not feel like I'm going to be screwed come the fall, that I have months to go before we refresh our time off.

We're well on our way to preparing for our summer vacation. It'll have been one year ago come July that we enjoyed Italy and all its glory. I feel like I've traveled so much since I started this job. And mostly it has been international time away. Although exciting, the trips can be draining--time differences and long layovers, the pressure to see this and that or we'll regret it, figuring out what to say in a foreign language, and of course, the expensiveness that comes along with it all.

This summer we celebrate our first wedding anniversary in Maine, a state which I've been to for a mere few hours for college, for marching band. I saw some snow, a football field, and rowdy bus full of college kids wondering why we're doing this when we could be sleeping in on a Saturday morning after heavy drinking. The thing is, we'll stay at a charming inn in Camden and from there do all sorts of day stuff--exploring--hanging out--relaxing. We'll toast a year down and so many to go. And that makes me happy. We'll also camp. We haven't been since we got engaged, although Bub has with his friends. We've had some good times backpacking in Montana, cooking by the fire, swimming, hiking, broiling in our tent at the Florida Keys, trying to use our cell phones to call friends and family to tell them that we're engaged... I'm looking forward to reminiscing and, of course, spending some time away.

For now, I have several trips to New York for work, a friend's wedding, and our first trek to the Cape this season to look forward to.

I'm ready for summer.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that

Apparently there are nasty people in the world who harrass women who blog. Good Morning America shared the story and this poor woman ended her blog and actually wrote that this harrassment changed her life forever, that she does not want to leave her backyard and does not feel safe at all. Poor lady. I can't get more than maybe a comment a week on this thing, let alone hate comments.

I had the most terrible dream last night. And it's one where even if you wake up, you go right back to it so it haunts you. I can't even write about it. It's too disturbing.

I went to the gym straight after work last night which I rarely do due to the fact that there are so many people there hogging all the machines and the lack of parking, but to my surprise it wasn't packed or too, too busy probably because everyone was enjoying the outdoors since it was so warm. I really pushed it last night and because of the bad dream, I woke up feeling less than rested and dragged my butt into work 1/2 hour later than usual...oops.

More later.

So I've Been Tagged...

and too busy to catch up on all-things-blogs to notice until now! Thanks Molly!

So here we go:

1. I hate clutter. If there are bottles and cans hanging out waiting for Bub to recycle (because I do not have the patience to watch said items accumulate and take up what tiny counter space we have in the kitchen), I will secretly and discreetly...ahem...chuck them.

I work at a place where I could potentially open my own bookstore, so if we didn't need an extra copy of a particular book or it's already been utilized for all-things-work-related, I can't stand the sight of stuff on my desk so I...um...throw them out. This includes books we decide aren't right for us because their subject matter is outside of our scope. Instead of walking my butt over to another department to put said books in a donation area for a local library, I throw them away. Go ahead, call the police!

Your Christmas card from December? Trashed--but Bub keeps a select number (read: ALL) if he can stand it. Receipts? Unless it's Christmas and I have to make sure people can return/exchange what I give them, they are all TRASHED. I can't stand the clutter!

2. I fear death. Bub knows this as I have shifted my fears of worrying about people like my father dying to Bub dying. When I was younger, I used to go around saying that I hope I would die before my parents so that I didn't have to go through what I imagine to be a painful time in life.

While driving in a normal fashion where I do not feel that urge to aggressively pass a truck, for example, I think if I die, then what? It's not the heaven or hell so much as SO many things go on in one's lifetime. Even if we think we lead very non-dramatic, boring lives, there is so much at risk. And I fear it daily. And I tell myself that I will prepare myself for these deaths so that I am not hurt. But I know that I am telling myself the same lie over and over again.

3. I secretly want to open a most delicious and fun bakery. Even if it's just to bake brownies. This wouldn't help my health as I am a sucker for anything sweet. But mixing together the ingredients and even trying to make the recipes more healthful elates me as I smell the sugar and butter and chocolate mold into something yum. I have looked several times online for baking gigs. Yes, I have.

4. Until this past July I did not have a middle name. I was the minority when it came to sharing with classmates what my middle name was--or better yet--making them guess because who would ever guess that I didn't have one? Since getting married I made my maiden name my middle name. I am still getting used to not only my new last name (which I love) but getting used to filling out items that call for a middle initial--and most times I still skip that field since it's not requirement to fill in that info--but I still haven't mastered signing my name with a middle initial or allowing my new "identity" of sorts to settle in.

5. Sometimes, when I get really ticked off at Bub, I walk away. But literally so. If we are in the car arguing and I happen to be driving, I will pull over, park, and then get out only to walk. Where? I don't know. And a scene usually happens a little something like this:

Me: walking
Bub: driving slowly along as I walk on the sidewalk
Bub: Get into the car. Come on.
Me: silence
Me: No!

And this repeats for a little and then I get into the car and we usually have a laugh at how ridiculous I can be. And how crazy it is that I do that.

6. I've never ever colored my hair, had a perm, had a cavity/route canal, etc. I have had braces, complete with headgear, and broken a bone (my left wrist and I am left-handed).

That sums it up for now. Sorry for the delay on this. When is it going to be Friday? This working thing blows...

Out with the Old, in with the New

So here we are! 2007! Happy New Year!

We had a fun day and night yesterday. We bummed around most of today with one venture into the rain for salty food and the ultimate hangover cure drink: Diet Coke with a wedge of lime. Ohhh, so yummy.

I just finished going through my part of the filing cabinet and desk as far as papers go. It had been a long time since I went through old pay stubs from my first job, old checks that had been voided, paperwork for my old car, stubs from my first payments of my new car. So much had piled up. Most of it stated my old name. It was weird how my status has changed and now my identity. My new last name quietly started appearing on more and more documents.

On Friday, at what has turned into a weekly manicure appointment, I had a run in with two fellow high school classmates. I was half surprised and half not to come to learn the actions that would take place. Classmate A was a friend from nursery school. Then we parted separate ways to our respective elementary schools. Then in middle, and later in high school, she would become one of the many snobs lurking in the hallways, at the lockers, eyeing us in the cafeteria, and even in the classroom. So I was not surprised by her behavior: a look up and down at me and then back to choose her color before proceeding to the pedicure space.

For the record, I have not been on Extreme Makeover. I have never dyed my hair--not even highlights, and I was the only person with my first name in our class of 256 students. This girl KNEW me. And as adults, I was shocked to find that a mere hello or acknowledgement that we are human BEINGS was too much for her.

In walks behind her Classmate B: class president, #2 student, now Harvard grad. She says, is that "First name, last name"? I turn and after a brief silence, state that it is. I pondered whether or not to come up with a cute reply that I was actually "First name, NEW last name". But part of me felt a disconnect from Classmate B. Part of me felt like it's not my nature to blurt out these things. I felt like it was sort of privileged news to share. Which is weird since my rings announce this very fact. Anyway, after a mere couple of questions, I learn a thing or two about her. And then I get:

You're acting so serious.

And for a second. I think. Okay. This girl is nice. This girl used to be my friend. Truly. And then of course, we drifted and it was okay. And there were no bad feelings. But I was already being judged. And it has been 9 years (scary) since we graduated. So I replied with the usual: I am? And the conversation faded out from there.

When she walked away I didn't internalize her words, for once, although writing about this incident might imply this is the case. But I'm okay. I'm okay with who I am, who I was, and who I strive to become.

2007, here I come.

On the drive home, I pondered where my life is going. It was all very cliche. As I drove the long stretch of highway through Maryland, then Pennsylvania, into New York, Connecticut, and finally Here, I wondered where I was going. Me, my life, my character, my being. Was I happy with me? Did I exude the kindness and generosity that is expected? Was I still the bratty younger sister, the selfish daughter, who had everything? Was I grateful for good health, family, and friends? Did I recognize everything and yet, did I take each day for granted?

Instead of reflecting on these things and creating New Year's resolutions for the fresh beginning, I find myself thinking of renewal, fresh days without mistakes during Fourth of July fireworks. I know, strange. But yet, something about the color, the warmth, the middle of the year: it seems a more appropriate time for reflection. Although, I wasn't reflecting on new beginnings because New Year's is a week away. It was the repetitiveness of the road, the concrete, the misting rain, the chalky white lines on the road, the reflectors. The fog was appropriate too: the future is so unclear, yet we take for granted this very fact.

I don't know if it's the being married bit, but this was one of the most fun Christmas' I've had. Even though it was just the four of us, the banter, the laughter, and creating memories of Bub and me cooking our first Christmas meal together as husband and wife, were indescribable. We laughed all the way home, despite my feeling sick. I realized that although our paths are unclear--and that each day is something new to think about--and not purely an expectation--that I'm elated to have DH with whom to share the rest of my life.