We used to live on Columbia Ave when the traffic light blinked green all through the night, not even stopping while we were at work. But when we drove by tonight we saw the change as the yellow glow came on and off to signal the nearby fire house.
We walked hand in hand as she turned once but did not notice. It was when she turned again that her face froze and she tried to search for recognition for the missing piece that was me.
She judged me as I shared what I learned almost ten years ago and saw that I was different. Of course so was she. The long hair and goopy mascara didn't throw me off, it was the warmth that once consumed her character, the fluid motions in dance class.
Dance. She always had the ballerina poise. But it ate through her as she stated that she pulled a muscle and danced no longer. Pause. Silence. I knew it could be more, but it was hard to place especially after so much time passed. Anorexia? Bulemia? Her frame never as fragile as I remember. And was the man she walked with and introduced us to her boyfriend? It was too personal a question to ask. Too intrusive for the girl who wore no shoes as she drove me to and from our classes.
She said I looked fantastic, but was she secretly thinking that I was fat?
I was an English major too, she said. But I felt the disappointment behind her words. That she worked in financial services. That she was surprised I got married.
To the past I say. To the past.
+++
I was brought to tears by what I heard. I can never keep dry when you speak. The words don't even have to be powerful; it's you who has the lifeline. It's you who is seeking help without even asking for it.
12 June 2007
06 June 2007
Bub Time
Everyone should consider taking a random Wednesday off. Or, call in and pretend you're sick.
That's exactly what I did. The best part? That Bub didn't go to work either.
We had ourselves a naughty lunch and said what the hell? It's our day to do what we want. It was like having a birthday and doing as you please but it wasn't our birthday at all.
Did we do anything special? Not really--but we got some much needed time together. Looking back on that reasoning it seems silly. Here's the man I've been with almost six years. We've lived together for almost five and next month, we'll have been married one. I see him every night and morning after/before work, on weekends (when I'm not away for work), yet I felt like it had been a while since we had spent real bub time together.
Didn't we just get back from a NYC trip together? Yes. But the whole trip was focused on work. And it wasn't fun to enjoy Sunday thinking about how Monday it was more work and on and on. Sure, I finally put in for my second vacation day so far this year to enjoy next week, but today--there would be no guilt when calling in to my boss with the oldest line in the book: I'm not feeling so hot, so today will be a sick day for me. And then the hesitant: Call me if you need me. HA! I forgot my phone at home for most of the day, so clearly I couldn't have cared less.
Tomorrow is back to work for us, but we're one day closer to the weekend and one business day more refreshed. The most important part, we've caught up on bub time because the few minutes of saying goodbye in the morning to rushed dinners so we can do errands/chores/exercise/sleep just don't cut it.
So I just got off the phone with my mother and let it slip how we played hooky. She made me feel guilty. And threw in how some of us work...as if I've ever pulled something like this before. I guess I forgot that she is my mother and certain things still sound outrageous to her even when I think I've made a sound decision as an adult. I'd like to think I am one.
Yes, I do think everyone deserves their own mental health day whenever. Bub time is just as important as making a living.
That's exactly what I did. The best part? That Bub didn't go to work either.
We had ourselves a naughty lunch and said what the hell? It's our day to do what we want. It was like having a birthday and doing as you please but it wasn't our birthday at all.
Did we do anything special? Not really--but we got some much needed time together. Looking back on that reasoning it seems silly. Here's the man I've been with almost six years. We've lived together for almost five and next month, we'll have been married one. I see him every night and morning after/before work, on weekends (when I'm not away for work), yet I felt like it had been a while since we had spent real bub time together.
Didn't we just get back from a NYC trip together? Yes. But the whole trip was focused on work. And it wasn't fun to enjoy Sunday thinking about how Monday it was more work and on and on. Sure, I finally put in for my second vacation day so far this year to enjoy next week, but today--there would be no guilt when calling in to my boss with the oldest line in the book: I'm not feeling so hot, so today will be a sick day for me. And then the hesitant: Call me if you need me. HA! I forgot my phone at home for most of the day, so clearly I couldn't have cared less.
Tomorrow is back to work for us, but we're one day closer to the weekend and one business day more refreshed. The most important part, we've caught up on bub time because the few minutes of saying goodbye in the morning to rushed dinners so we can do errands/chores/exercise/sleep just don't cut it.
So I just got off the phone with my mother and let it slip how we played hooky. She made me feel guilty. And threw in how some of us work...as if I've ever pulled something like this before. I guess I forgot that she is my mother and certain things still sound outrageous to her even when I think I've made a sound decision as an adult. I'd like to think I am one.
Yes, I do think everyone deserves their own mental health day whenever. Bub time is just as important as making a living.
01 June 2007
New York
So I'm here. And I think I could live here. Sure. It's hot and smelly and there are lots of people, yes.
I'm currently waiting for my husband to arrive. The wine is open, the a/c is turned on high. I'm recollecting all the people of my past I come to see once a year. The other events, not so much--they're more straight forward and professional. Actual business is handled. Here, it's a free for all event. Freebies in print, in drink, and of course, the reminiscing. I decided that I can't stand people who only care about themselves so much that they forget to ask about you. And no, just asking about your husband doesn't count. I don't think you're that great and neither should you.
But there was one person I wondered if I would see. Someone who most likely will stumble upon this post. Someone who is connected to the early part of my career. Someone who surely wants nothing to do with me. Someone who is a complete stranger now. But I looked across the corridors and around corners and thought: did she grow her hair long? Did she dye it? Is that her gabbing to someone?
No, I didn't see her. And I won't ever, I suppose.
New York City is a big place. Big enough for two strangers.
I'm currently waiting for my husband to arrive. The wine is open, the a/c is turned on high. I'm recollecting all the people of my past I come to see once a year. The other events, not so much--they're more straight forward and professional. Actual business is handled. Here, it's a free for all event. Freebies in print, in drink, and of course, the reminiscing. I decided that I can't stand people who only care about themselves so much that they forget to ask about you. And no, just asking about your husband doesn't count. I don't think you're that great and neither should you.
But there was one person I wondered if I would see. Someone who most likely will stumble upon this post. Someone who is connected to the early part of my career. Someone who surely wants nothing to do with me. Someone who is a complete stranger now. But I looked across the corridors and around corners and thought: did she grow her hair long? Did she dye it? Is that her gabbing to someone?
No, I didn't see her. And I won't ever, I suppose.
New York City is a big place. Big enough for two strangers.
26 May 2007
Guilt
It consumes me.
Do we leave now for the Cape or do we keep up the chores here so as to have a sparkling home to return to?
Do we buy groceries now so we have stuff for when we get back from the weekend away? Or, do we go on our way home when we clearly won't want to grocery shop and allow the reality of having to go back to work set in?
Do I eat a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich after having a really good workout at the gym? Or, do I drink lots of fluids and hope to feel full since I want fried (!) clams and oysters tonight? Hello cholesterol! Hello FAT!
Do I sit down for an hour or two and make a dent in work that will consume me come Tuesday since I will have only two days in the office before a work event which just so happens to be over the weekend? Ick.
All these things bubble in my mind and I can't help but think that I deserve some time to chill. Then I think how we had fun last night at a good pub in the cool air with the yummy fries and the refreshing beer. And then how we watched some 24--the first few episodes of the latest season. So, shouldn't I work now?
But the new bathing suit is waiting and the sun is, too. The heat is on and I'm ready for summer.
Screw it; I'm off the ocean.
Happy Saturday!
Do we leave now for the Cape or do we keep up the chores here so as to have a sparkling home to return to?
Do we buy groceries now so we have stuff for when we get back from the weekend away? Or, do we go on our way home when we clearly won't want to grocery shop and allow the reality of having to go back to work set in?
Do I eat a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich after having a really good workout at the gym? Or, do I drink lots of fluids and hope to feel full since I want fried (!) clams and oysters tonight? Hello cholesterol! Hello FAT!
Do I sit down for an hour or two and make a dent in work that will consume me come Tuesday since I will have only two days in the office before a work event which just so happens to be over the weekend? Ick.
All these things bubble in my mind and I can't help but think that I deserve some time to chill. Then I think how we had fun last night at a good pub in the cool air with the yummy fries and the refreshing beer. And then how we watched some 24--the first few episodes of the latest season. So, shouldn't I work now?
But the new bathing suit is waiting and the sun is, too. The heat is on and I'm ready for summer.
Screw it; I'm off the ocean.
Happy Saturday!
22 May 2007
I saw you lean over and put the folded piece of paper into her pocket. It was as if you planned to do so all along.
You didn't see me see you. You didn't care that anyone saw, I don't think.
And it's on days when I think I've forgotten about it that I wonder what you wrote to her. What words you pulled from the deepest innards of your being to bury with her. So she would always remember. And so that you would, too.
Morbidly, I wondered if I, too, would do the same, but probably not since I would be paranoid that someone would dig their grave, see my most personal expressions when they weren't meant to ever be seen by the human eye. Meant only for the soul of the person buried. Not you.
I wonder if the letter is long, written in script or in shaky letters. Perhaps the ink is dotted with your tears.
But I am not that close with you. So I will never ask. But one never knows. The alcohol makes it easier to come alive, be daring, be bold. Sometimes too bold.
I told my shameful story to a someone today. How I got behind the wheel. How I didn't do harm. I laughed it off. Not me. I'm too innocent. How could I get caught? My record has to stay clean. Just like I have to stay on track with everything. It's what's expected, engrained in my core. Without the path, I am no where. And I haven't been down that road before. It could lead me to my death.
You didn't see me see you. You didn't care that anyone saw, I don't think.
And it's on days when I think I've forgotten about it that I wonder what you wrote to her. What words you pulled from the deepest innards of your being to bury with her. So she would always remember. And so that you would, too.
Morbidly, I wondered if I, too, would do the same, but probably not since I would be paranoid that someone would dig their grave, see my most personal expressions when they weren't meant to ever be seen by the human eye. Meant only for the soul of the person buried. Not you.
I wonder if the letter is long, written in script or in shaky letters. Perhaps the ink is dotted with your tears.
But I am not that close with you. So I will never ask. But one never knows. The alcohol makes it easier to come alive, be daring, be bold. Sometimes too bold.
I told my shameful story to a someone today. How I got behind the wheel. How I didn't do harm. I laughed it off. Not me. I'm too innocent. How could I get caught? My record has to stay clean. Just like I have to stay on track with everything. It's what's expected, engrained in my core. Without the path, I am no where. And I haven't been down that road before. It could lead me to my death.
21 May 2007
Missing
I decided on my drive home from work today that I would compile a list of things I'm missing so as to further assess whether or not I need these things. Forgive me if some seem shallow. Forgive me if this post is rough. I've had too much wine far too soon in the week to have it hit me hard come time when I'm at my desk tomorrow morning.
1. Cute brown flats
2. An MBA
3. A master's in writing
4. A doctorate in anything
5. A drive for the gym
6. A "VP" as part of my title
7. A 6-figure salary
8. A secure self image
9. A non-comptetitive streak
10. A house
11. A child
12. A bus (OK, I'm running out)
13. A brother (I don't have one, it's not that I miss him; he doesn't exist)
14. A motorcycle license (Bub has one)
15. A cat
16. A dog
17. A 2-bedroom home
18. A head of blonde hair
19. A funny demeanor
20. ....
OK, that was fun. Let's do it all over tomorrow.
1. Cute brown flats
2. An MBA
3. A master's in writing
4. A doctorate in anything
5. A drive for the gym
6. A "VP" as part of my title
7. A 6-figure salary
8. A secure self image
9. A non-comptetitive streak
10. A house
11. A child
12. A bus (OK, I'm running out)
13. A brother (I don't have one, it's not that I miss him; he doesn't exist)
14. A motorcycle license (Bub has one)
15. A cat
16. A dog
17. A 2-bedroom home
18. A head of blonde hair
19. A funny demeanor
20. ....
OK, that was fun. Let's do it all over tomorrow.
20 May 2007
Friends of past
What binds us to friends of past and why is it that one feels guilt when the emotion is not truly genuine any more? That talking becomes a chore, that laughing becomes forced? What is it that changes the friends you once used to know and laugh easily with? How can a sacred bond of closeness float away?
People do change and that is one way to explain how friends are no longer close, no longer true, but I wonder if there isn't more of a reason. Are we too "busy"--no time to set aside to have dinner, coffee, wine, see one another's home, meet their S.O.? What is it?
There are so many people who enter our lives and then leave. It's those who visit longer that we call friends.
I like to think that milestones in life bring to fruition those very feelings: who is close? Who can you count on? When I'm down and my husband isn't there, who will I call? Who will pick up? Who will call back? Who remembers? Who has been there?
Lately, especially when it came time to plan my wedding, I had to think hard about who to include, who to exclude--who was "close" enough to be invited. And it was hard. What were my reasons for inviting one coworker over another? Why was my boss invited but not a college friend who spent many a night crying, laughing, remembering with me?
And the past memories were there to remind me. This is what I should do. This is what I am supposed to do.
You're limited, I think, when you reach a certain age about the people you meet and who you will befriend. And it gets harder. No more are the classrooms that throw you into a mix of personalities with people your age, no more are the summer camps and late nights of drinking in college. The "friends of friends"...there are coworkers, random encounters, but even then you should have an established friend base.
Looking back I found it easy, especially in college, to find friendships. And now I feel as though I've outgrown not only some of those friends, but the ones I had in high school. Sure, I have a few important people that I call friends or best friends. Sometimes I wonder if the past is what makes them golden or if it's because they're always there to know me, understand me, and just let me be me.
People do change and that is one way to explain how friends are no longer close, no longer true, but I wonder if there isn't more of a reason. Are we too "busy"--no time to set aside to have dinner, coffee, wine, see one another's home, meet their S.O.? What is it?
There are so many people who enter our lives and then leave. It's those who visit longer that we call friends.
I like to think that milestones in life bring to fruition those very feelings: who is close? Who can you count on? When I'm down and my husband isn't there, who will I call? Who will pick up? Who will call back? Who remembers? Who has been there?
Lately, especially when it came time to plan my wedding, I had to think hard about who to include, who to exclude--who was "close" enough to be invited. And it was hard. What were my reasons for inviting one coworker over another? Why was my boss invited but not a college friend who spent many a night crying, laughing, remembering with me?
And the past memories were there to remind me. This is what I should do. This is what I am supposed to do.
You're limited, I think, when you reach a certain age about the people you meet and who you will befriend. And it gets harder. No more are the classrooms that throw you into a mix of personalities with people your age, no more are the summer camps and late nights of drinking in college. The "friends of friends"...there are coworkers, random encounters, but even then you should have an established friend base.
Looking back I found it easy, especially in college, to find friendships. And now I feel as though I've outgrown not only some of those friends, but the ones I had in high school. Sure, I have a few important people that I call friends or best friends. Sometimes I wonder if the past is what makes them golden or if it's because they're always there to know me, understand me, and just let me be me.
15 May 2007
It's what I need
All the lights are off because I can never be so sure if the light from outdoors is enough to fuel my workspace at the kitchen table or if the extra warmth and artificial light from the tired chandelier is over-the-top when it's on during the day.
The windows are open and even though that means no more peace and quiet of the top floor of my building where all of us are owners and all the renters are breathing below whether as students or not, I need fresh air. When spring arrives and before it gets too uncomfortable where the sweat appears on a girl who hardly does unless she's been exercising (and there certainly needs to be more of that), the windows stay open. So yes, I heard you the other night, you obnoxious college kids who throw bottles near or on cars to set their sirens off, to wake the world because you think that when you are inebriated that you rule the world moreso than when you're sober and acting plainly immature. You're now immature, loud, and loud.
The door rattles back and forth as if someone is trying to test the knob which doesn't bode well for me since about a year ago there were break-in's on our floor near our home and well, that just isn't cool. But the fresh air, it's what I need.
The windows are open and even though that means no more peace and quiet of the top floor of my building where all of us are owners and all the renters are breathing below whether as students or not, I need fresh air. When spring arrives and before it gets too uncomfortable where the sweat appears on a girl who hardly does unless she's been exercising (and there certainly needs to be more of that), the windows stay open. So yes, I heard you the other night, you obnoxious college kids who throw bottles near or on cars to set their sirens off, to wake the world because you think that when you are inebriated that you rule the world moreso than when you're sober and acting plainly immature. You're now immature, loud, and loud.
The door rattles back and forth as if someone is trying to test the knob which doesn't bode well for me since about a year ago there were break-in's on our floor near our home and well, that just isn't cool. But the fresh air, it's what I need.
11 May 2007
I'm searching deep inside of myself right now. To find the place that comes so easily for you fellow blogmates. The kind of words I'm looking for have been missing for some time. And I'm afraid one wrong move and Bub will catch me and ask what I'm writing about and I won't know because that thing I learned about, that stream of consciousness will dissipate and I won't even have time to look up and be sure that I spelled dissipate correctly. So far, so good--not about the spelling but about Bub not questioning me yet.
Fuck. I had a really good song on and now it's changed so I changed it and now I'm back to where I was pre-post.
Ugh.
More later.
Fuck. I had a really good song on and now it's changed so I changed it and now I'm back to where I was pre-post.
Ugh.
More later.
09 May 2007
Ready for Summer
I know, we only started having spring weather and I'm already rushing through to the next season.
But today I learned that I was wrong about our vacation policy. I do not have to wait until my 3rd anniversary at the company to receive an additional week of time off. No, I will start earning this extra time off at the start of my third year here, which is in June. I've rejoined the land of the living and will have more than 2 weeks of vacation this year, and a little over 3 next year. Thank goodness. It was hard saving up all my time off last year for our wedding, and I was lucky that I gained a few extra days when I worked weekends at various book fairs. Now there will be no more scrounging around for time so that I'm not the only person working during the holidays or because I couldn't take a long weekend around the 4th of July. Now I can use a vacation day here and there and not feel like I'm going to be screwed come the fall, that I have months to go before we refresh our time off.
We're well on our way to preparing for our summer vacation. It'll have been one year ago come July that we enjoyed Italy and all its glory. I feel like I've traveled so much since I started this job. And mostly it has been international time away. Although exciting, the trips can be draining--time differences and long layovers, the pressure to see this and that or we'll regret it, figuring out what to say in a foreign language, and of course, the expensiveness that comes along with it all.
This summer we celebrate our first wedding anniversary in Maine, a state which I've been to for a mere few hours for college, for marching band. I saw some snow, a football field, and rowdy bus full of college kids wondering why we're doing this when we could be sleeping in on a Saturday morning after heavy drinking. The thing is, we'll stay at a charming inn in Camden and from there do all sorts of day stuff--exploring--hanging out--relaxing. We'll toast a year down and so many to go. And that makes me happy. We'll also camp. We haven't been since we got engaged, although Bub has with his friends. We've had some good times backpacking in Montana, cooking by the fire, swimming, hiking, broiling in our tent at the Florida Keys, trying to use our cell phones to call friends and family to tell them that we're engaged... I'm looking forward to reminiscing and, of course, spending some time away.
For now, I have several trips to New York for work, a friend's wedding, and our first trek to the Cape this season to look forward to.
I'm ready for summer.
But today I learned that I was wrong about our vacation policy. I do not have to wait until my 3rd anniversary at the company to receive an additional week of time off. No, I will start earning this extra time off at the start of my third year here, which is in June. I've rejoined the land of the living and will have more than 2 weeks of vacation this year, and a little over 3 next year. Thank goodness. It was hard saving up all my time off last year for our wedding, and I was lucky that I gained a few extra days when I worked weekends at various book fairs. Now there will be no more scrounging around for time so that I'm not the only person working during the holidays or because I couldn't take a long weekend around the 4th of July. Now I can use a vacation day here and there and not feel like I'm going to be screwed come the fall, that I have months to go before we refresh our time off.
We're well on our way to preparing for our summer vacation. It'll have been one year ago come July that we enjoyed Italy and all its glory. I feel like I've traveled so much since I started this job. And mostly it has been international time away. Although exciting, the trips can be draining--time differences and long layovers, the pressure to see this and that or we'll regret it, figuring out what to say in a foreign language, and of course, the expensiveness that comes along with it all.
This summer we celebrate our first wedding anniversary in Maine, a state which I've been to for a mere few hours for college, for marching band. I saw some snow, a football field, and rowdy bus full of college kids wondering why we're doing this when we could be sleeping in on a Saturday morning after heavy drinking. The thing is, we'll stay at a charming inn in Camden and from there do all sorts of day stuff--exploring--hanging out--relaxing. We'll toast a year down and so many to go. And that makes me happy. We'll also camp. We haven't been since we got engaged, although Bub has with his friends. We've had some good times backpacking in Montana, cooking by the fire, swimming, hiking, broiling in our tent at the Florida Keys, trying to use our cell phones to call friends and family to tell them that we're engaged... I'm looking forward to reminiscing and, of course, spending some time away.
For now, I have several trips to New York for work, a friend's wedding, and our first trek to the Cape this season to look forward to.
I'm ready for summer.
04 May 2007
It's Happening
I'm getting old. And I know I've talked and wallowed in this all before. And I know by age number that in the grand scheme of things, I'm not exactly old. But I've received my first reality check that I have taken all things for granted, including good health.
My cholesterol is borderline high. It's 212 and it should be less than 200. I am told it's "moderate" by the woman who took the test at our benefits fair here at work yesterday. I was sort of cocky walking over there.
They're going to tell me I'm fine whereas J who just had her test done is going on and on about how she has high cholesterol and blood pressure.
But no, the woman writes down my score and waves me over like a teacher looking for the child who needs "help". A pity party.
"Do you exercise?" She asks.
What? Yes!
"Well a young..." Pause. Silence. Then, more quickly.
"A young WOMAN like yourself has time to make changes in the way you eat and exercise to get your cholesterol down."
At least my blood pressure was normal.
A, who I work with (who needs to fine-tune her eating if you get me) said that those tests were wildly "off". Denial, I think. But maybe they are and my cholesterol is fine. But what if they're not "off"?
On the same day as the cholesterol test I get a comment from my favorite colleague.
"You look thin today." A smile appears on her face.
While smiling I tell her to shut up.
+++
In the good news department I bought a new dress I fell in love with a month or so ago. I wanted to buy it but it was too pricey. Well, there was the dress again when I was at the store last night. It taunted me with its size 4 tag and hefty price.
I had heard the saleswoman pressuring girls and their mothers shopping for prom dresses that there was a sale, she had coupons. So I grabbed the dress that sat behind an ugly one as if someone had tried to hide it. I looked around for a size 6--but I noticed there were no more dresses like this anywhere in the store.
This was the last one. I almost started talking aloud, reasoning out why I should try on a dress that probably wouldn't fit and look good and work. And why I should try it on when it's twice what I want to pay?
So to make myself feel better, I brought a few other dresses in with me to try on so that the pressure didn't lie in just this one silly thing. But I tried what I had my heart set on first. And I loved it. And it made me look THIN. And that's great when the size is FOUR.
This dress I will get upset over if after having children I cannot fit back into it. It's black, but fun, black and practical, black and do you know how long it's been since I've bought something both practical AND cute? It's usually just the latter.
So I got 50 bucks off the price--but it was still above my price range for a dress.
But there was no way I was letting this go...again. This was meant to happen.
Tomorrow I'll debut it.
My cholesterol is borderline high. It's 212 and it should be less than 200. I am told it's "moderate" by the woman who took the test at our benefits fair here at work yesterday. I was sort of cocky walking over there.
They're going to tell me I'm fine whereas J who just had her test done is going on and on about how she has high cholesterol and blood pressure.
But no, the woman writes down my score and waves me over like a teacher looking for the child who needs "help". A pity party.
"Do you exercise?" She asks.
What? Yes!
"Well a young..." Pause. Silence. Then, more quickly.
"A young WOMAN like yourself has time to make changes in the way you eat and exercise to get your cholesterol down."
At least my blood pressure was normal.
A, who I work with (who needs to fine-tune her eating if you get me) said that those tests were wildly "off". Denial, I think. But maybe they are and my cholesterol is fine. But what if they're not "off"?
On the same day as the cholesterol test I get a comment from my favorite colleague.
"You look thin today." A smile appears on her face.
While smiling I tell her to shut up.
+++
In the good news department I bought a new dress I fell in love with a month or so ago. I wanted to buy it but it was too pricey. Well, there was the dress again when I was at the store last night. It taunted me with its size 4 tag and hefty price.
I had heard the saleswoman pressuring girls and their mothers shopping for prom dresses that there was a sale, she had coupons. So I grabbed the dress that sat behind an ugly one as if someone had tried to hide it. I looked around for a size 6--but I noticed there were no more dresses like this anywhere in the store.
This was the last one. I almost started talking aloud, reasoning out why I should try on a dress that probably wouldn't fit and look good and work. And why I should try it on when it's twice what I want to pay?
So to make myself feel better, I brought a few other dresses in with me to try on so that the pressure didn't lie in just this one silly thing. But I tried what I had my heart set on first. And I loved it. And it made me look THIN. And that's great when the size is FOUR.
This dress I will get upset over if after having children I cannot fit back into it. It's black, but fun, black and practical, black and do you know how long it's been since I've bought something both practical AND cute? It's usually just the latter.
So I got 50 bucks off the price--but it was still above my price range for a dress.
But there was no way I was letting this go...again. This was meant to happen.
Tomorrow I'll debut it.
01 May 2007
A little bit of this, a little bit of that
Apparently there are nasty people in the world who harrass women who blog. Good Morning America shared the story and this poor woman ended her blog and actually wrote that this harrassment changed her life forever, that she does not want to leave her backyard and does not feel safe at all. Poor lady. I can't get more than maybe a comment a week on this thing, let alone hate comments.
I had the most terrible dream last night. And it's one where even if you wake up, you go right back to it so it haunts you. I can't even write about it. It's too disturbing.
I went to the gym straight after work last night which I rarely do due to the fact that there are so many people there hogging all the machines and the lack of parking, but to my surprise it wasn't packed or too, too busy probably because everyone was enjoying the outdoors since it was so warm. I really pushed it last night and because of the bad dream, I woke up feeling less than rested and dragged my butt into work 1/2 hour later than usual...oops.
More later.
I had the most terrible dream last night. And it's one where even if you wake up, you go right back to it so it haunts you. I can't even write about it. It's too disturbing.
I went to the gym straight after work last night which I rarely do due to the fact that there are so many people there hogging all the machines and the lack of parking, but to my surprise it wasn't packed or too, too busy probably because everyone was enjoying the outdoors since it was so warm. I really pushed it last night and because of the bad dream, I woke up feeling less than rested and dragged my butt into work 1/2 hour later than usual...oops.
More later.
30 April 2007
I bought a new headband among other things while in London. This is my second attempt at wearing it, but it's hurting my head too damn much. WTF?
My mother did one of her outburts during Dad's birthday dinner last night. Bub definitely saw it. She was short of starting to curse. Of course, it was over nothing special. She makes me so angry when she consumes too much alcohol. She doesn't even need it to act this way.
My dad couldn't even finish his meal. He had to bring the rest home. I know his stomach was turning just thinking about how my mother might carry on. Would she make an even bigger scene?
It's just not fair. I felt like the parent a little last night. Telling her to knock it off under my breath. Telling her that we're all waiting to eat because she made a big stink about her meal.
If she only had a mirror, she could see what she's like. And I hope one day if I act like that--and I'm sure I will or have or am trying to suppress the memory--that Bub pulls out my reflection so that I can see that I'm no longer in control.
I had to turn away from her so many times. I always get stuck sitting next to her. And it's not that I don't love her, it's because she desperately wants the attention and nurturing.
I can't give it to her like that. I refuse to. So the touching my arm, trying to talk at me, they just don't work Mom.
You need to stop.
My mother did one of her outburts during Dad's birthday dinner last night. Bub definitely saw it. She was short of starting to curse. Of course, it was over nothing special. She makes me so angry when she consumes too much alcohol. She doesn't even need it to act this way.
My dad couldn't even finish his meal. He had to bring the rest home. I know his stomach was turning just thinking about how my mother might carry on. Would she make an even bigger scene?
It's just not fair. I felt like the parent a little last night. Telling her to knock it off under my breath. Telling her that we're all waiting to eat because she made a big stink about her meal.
If she only had a mirror, she could see what she's like. And I hope one day if I act like that--and I'm sure I will or have or am trying to suppress the memory--that Bub pulls out my reflection so that I can see that I'm no longer in control.
I had to turn away from her so many times. I always get stuck sitting next to her. And it's not that I don't love her, it's because she desperately wants the attention and nurturing.
I can't give it to her like that. I refuse to. So the touching my arm, trying to talk at me, they just don't work Mom.
You need to stop.
26 April 2007
I have been tagged by Sass
And so here we go!
A - Available or Taken? I'm a Mrs. and about to celebrate my 1-year wedding anniversary. Sigh. Has it been almost a year since our magical day?
B - Best Friend? Bub. He's seen all sides of me. Some scary, but hopefully the fun outweighs the ugly : ) Also some gal pals--none who read this blog (let alone know it exists!).
C - Cake or Pie? What a toughie! If the cake and pie option have chocolate in it, I could go either way. Show me chocolate cake with yummy frosting versus blueberry pie and I'm all for the cake. Show me vanilla cake with yummy frosting and mud pie and I think I'd go mud...
D - Drink of Choice? Ummm...Riesling. Syrah. Coffee milkshake, although they make my tummy go nutty. Diet Coke after for a hangover. Seltzer with juice (spritzer). Iced coffee--French vanilla w/ skim from Dunkin's or an iced skim latte at Starbuckers.
E - Essential Item(s)? Chapstick and/or lip gloss, my watch
F - Favorite Color? Blue like my bridesmaids' dresses, yellow, watermelon greens, getting into reds--love pinks.
G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Bears; they're cuter!
H - Hometown? I was born in Boston and that's all I'm sayin'!
I - Indulgence? Chocolate, French fries w/ ketchup...heavenly! Chicken fingers with honey mustard, cheesecake.
J - January or February? February; it's closer to spring...
K - Kids? Yes; but I'm afraid for the pushing and not knowing when the baby will come.
L - Life is incomplete without… happiness
M - Marriage Date 07/22/2006 : )
N - Number of Siblings One, older sister
O - Oranges or Apples? Granny apple especially if I can put PB on it--creamy low-fat JIF. Or oranges -- I love when they're cut up in quarters like they did for a snack during soccer games.
P - Phobias/Fears Sometimes the dark! Death is my number one fear though--others dying moreso than me.
Q - Favorite Quote
May your voyage through life be as happy and as free
As the dancing waves on the deep blue sea
R - Reasons to Smile? I can wake up each day next to my husband, great family and friends who I sometimes take for granted.
S - Season? Summer--spring too if it's warm and not borderline freezing! I do love the fall colors as well.
T - Tag Three: Kris, Erin, and Stacy!!!
U - Unknown Fact About Me I cry at the finales of reality shows: American Idol (even if I don't really like the singer--no offense Fantasia), or America's Next Top Model. I really become so happy for them that they won!
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Oppressor
W - Worst habits? Bad temper!
X - X-rays or Ultrasounds? X-Ray; my mom is an X-Ray Technologist!
Y - Your Favorite Foods Pasta, pizza (carb-lover!) brownies...it goes on and on!
Z - Zodiac Aries
A - Available or Taken? I'm a Mrs. and about to celebrate my 1-year wedding anniversary. Sigh. Has it been almost a year since our magical day?
B - Best Friend? Bub. He's seen all sides of me. Some scary, but hopefully the fun outweighs the ugly : ) Also some gal pals--none who read this blog (let alone know it exists!).
C - Cake or Pie? What a toughie! If the cake and pie option have chocolate in it, I could go either way. Show me chocolate cake with yummy frosting versus blueberry pie and I'm all for the cake. Show me vanilla cake with yummy frosting and mud pie and I think I'd go mud...
D - Drink of Choice? Ummm...Riesling. Syrah. Coffee milkshake, although they make my tummy go nutty. Diet Coke after for a hangover. Seltzer with juice (spritzer). Iced coffee--French vanilla w/ skim from Dunkin's or an iced skim latte at Starbuckers.
E - Essential Item(s)? Chapstick and/or lip gloss, my watch
F - Favorite Color? Blue like my bridesmaids' dresses, yellow, watermelon greens, getting into reds--love pinks.
G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Bears; they're cuter!
H - Hometown? I was born in Boston and that's all I'm sayin'!
I - Indulgence? Chocolate, French fries w/ ketchup...heavenly! Chicken fingers with honey mustard, cheesecake.
J - January or February? February; it's closer to spring...
K - Kids? Yes; but I'm afraid for the pushing and not knowing when the baby will come.
L - Life is incomplete without… happiness
M - Marriage Date 07/22/2006 : )
N - Number of Siblings One, older sister
O - Oranges or Apples? Granny apple especially if I can put PB on it--creamy low-fat JIF. Or oranges -- I love when they're cut up in quarters like they did for a snack during soccer games.
P - Phobias/Fears Sometimes the dark! Death is my number one fear though--others dying moreso than me.
Q - Favorite Quote
May your voyage through life be as happy and as free
As the dancing waves on the deep blue sea
R - Reasons to Smile? I can wake up each day next to my husband, great family and friends who I sometimes take for granted.
S - Season? Summer--spring too if it's warm and not borderline freezing! I do love the fall colors as well.
T - Tag Three: Kris, Erin, and Stacy!!!
U - Unknown Fact About Me I cry at the finales of reality shows: American Idol (even if I don't really like the singer--no offense Fantasia), or America's Next Top Model. I really become so happy for them that they won!
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Oppressor
W - Worst habits? Bad temper!
X - X-rays or Ultrasounds? X-Ray; my mom is an X-Ray Technologist!
Y - Your Favorite Foods Pasta, pizza (carb-lover!) brownies...it goes on and on!
Z - Zodiac Aries
22 April 2007
Good mood
Perhaps it's the spring weather that has finally shown its face, but I'm not feeling too shabby these days. Granted, things aren't perfect, starting with the fact that my boss returns from vacation tomorrow which may mean that things could get a bit hectic as I have a lot on my plate to do from my recent work trip to just regular work in general.
But it was prior to my leaving for the work fair that had me thinking about a billboard I saw while driving. I can remember it was for VW and probably for their bug cars, the updated bug and how they're so cheerful which is why the banner on the ad made so much sense: Misery has enough company. Be happy. I'm not sure that's exactly how it was phrased, but you get the gist. And not that I enjoy being miserable, it's just that I can get irritated all too quickly. A trip on the train reminded me of this on departure day for London.
I sat on the train inspecting my nails. I scored an oh-so-cheap manicure that morning which was fantastic because they went quickly, did a good job, and were, as previously stated, cheap. Sure it wasn't totally therapeutic, but I needed a quick job as I had to leave and so there it was.
Bub had the car, so I was minutes from our place to then call a cab and be on my way to the airport. A Chinese couple who I wasn't sure was from the area sat across from me. And then confirming my observation, the Chinese woman asked the train driver (or whatever their proper title is) for directions: which stop do they get off at. I couldn't really hear and the woman sat down next to me as I think she was worried about missing her stop. She kept a close eye on her husband in case they had to make any quick moves.
And then, bam. This woman out of no where starts huffing and puffing her way to the door, train pass in her mouth, one plastic bag hanging around her wrist. You'd think she had walked 40 miles to her deathbed; she looked terrible and the nastiness that was to come would solidify the entire grouchy character she wore so well on her sleeve.
These trains are bad enough as it is. UNCROSS YOUR LEGS. I look up and yes, she's looking at me. Is this now a crime?
Well, remember how I said that I easily become irritable? I wasn't about to let this go without so much as a reply. She's passed right on and is close to the door, even closer to the Chinese woman on my right. And so here it comes from my mouth without so much as a thought that maybe I shouldn't have said this, but she WAS rude: That was quite rude. Since when is it wrong to cross your legs on a train?
That was the straw that broke the camel's back, but it wasn't the old grouch who replied, it was a man hollering far on my left: If you weren't a woman, I would do something about this! You're a NASTY, OLD LADY!
And there it was.
The woman got off the train and acted as if she didn't hear us or couldn't care less.
And I thought did I do the right thing? Was that classy? Should I have stood up for myself like that or was this woman just clueless about life, people, walking on trains?
And then I hear the soft murmur on my right. The Chinese woman, she was still on the train, her husband in tow, where she left him. And her reply was so simple, so intelligent, so easy.
Forgive.
So lady, I guess I forgive you, but if you're going to walk around and be miserable then of course there are going to be billboards that tell you otherwise. And perhaps you should look into purchasing a VW bug to cure you of your misery.
But it was prior to my leaving for the work fair that had me thinking about a billboard I saw while driving. I can remember it was for VW and probably for their bug cars, the updated bug and how they're so cheerful which is why the banner on the ad made so much sense: Misery has enough company. Be happy. I'm not sure that's exactly how it was phrased, but you get the gist. And not that I enjoy being miserable, it's just that I can get irritated all too quickly. A trip on the train reminded me of this on departure day for London.
I sat on the train inspecting my nails. I scored an oh-so-cheap manicure that morning which was fantastic because they went quickly, did a good job, and were, as previously stated, cheap. Sure it wasn't totally therapeutic, but I needed a quick job as I had to leave and so there it was.
Bub had the car, so I was minutes from our place to then call a cab and be on my way to the airport. A Chinese couple who I wasn't sure was from the area sat across from me. And then confirming my observation, the Chinese woman asked the train driver (or whatever their proper title is) for directions: which stop do they get off at. I couldn't really hear and the woman sat down next to me as I think she was worried about missing her stop. She kept a close eye on her husband in case they had to make any quick moves.
And then, bam. This woman out of no where starts huffing and puffing her way to the door, train pass in her mouth, one plastic bag hanging around her wrist. You'd think she had walked 40 miles to her deathbed; she looked terrible and the nastiness that was to come would solidify the entire grouchy character she wore so well on her sleeve.
These trains are bad enough as it is. UNCROSS YOUR LEGS. I look up and yes, she's looking at me. Is this now a crime?
Well, remember how I said that I easily become irritable? I wasn't about to let this go without so much as a reply. She's passed right on and is close to the door, even closer to the Chinese woman on my right. And so here it comes from my mouth without so much as a thought that maybe I shouldn't have said this, but she WAS rude: That was quite rude. Since when is it wrong to cross your legs on a train?
That was the straw that broke the camel's back, but it wasn't the old grouch who replied, it was a man hollering far on my left: If you weren't a woman, I would do something about this! You're a NASTY, OLD LADY!
And there it was.
The woman got off the train and acted as if she didn't hear us or couldn't care less.
And I thought did I do the right thing? Was that classy? Should I have stood up for myself like that or was this woman just clueless about life, people, walking on trains?
And then I hear the soft murmur on my right. The Chinese woman, she was still on the train, her husband in tow, where she left him. And her reply was so simple, so intelligent, so easy.
Forgive.
So lady, I guess I forgive you, but if you're going to walk around and be miserable then of course there are going to be billboards that tell you otherwise. And perhaps you should look into purchasing a VW bug to cure you of your misery.
16 April 2007
Weather is therapy
At least if you're in London that is.
I arrived yesterday and had a mental breakdown. It has already happened at two of these events: they misplaced my luggage.
We don't know where it is. Don't worry. It should be at your hotel tomorrow.
Ooooo. Great. I'm really happy to hear this. I left the airport feeling defeated after sticking around for 2+ hours yesterday after we arrived. Just great. I looked like a tourist walking Victoria Street to the Thames as women strolled past in lovely sun dresses, sandals, tank tops while the guys donned shorts and tees. Fine. I'm in all my glory, sweaty in my sweatshirt, heavy socks, sneakers, jeans, etc. I haven't brushed my teeth since before I left for the flight which laid over in JFK and on and on and on. I felt like a little girl who had no control over what she wore or selected while shopping because she didn't know best; Mom did. And so while I envied all the cute skirts and fun outfits I saw on the people walking along the water, I thought, am I going to be wearing this for the next 24 hours or more?
No, thank God. I got my suitcase late last night with all the lovelies I packed knowing that it was going to be heavenly here. All the fun clothes I purchased while shopping with Mom on Friday when I turned the big 2-7 were folded just so in my suitcase. Yup, they were there. I gained back my peace of mind and felt great this morning as I finished getting ready to attack my clients with enthusiasm, confidence and excitement.
That's right, it's my show and for once it's not about my boss and what's new with her. It's about what I know, what I think, and the work that I do. And for once, it feels frigging good to be where I am.
More later.
I arrived yesterday and had a mental breakdown. It has already happened at two of these events: they misplaced my luggage.
We don't know where it is. Don't worry. It should be at your hotel tomorrow.
Ooooo. Great. I'm really happy to hear this. I left the airport feeling defeated after sticking around for 2+ hours yesterday after we arrived. Just great. I looked like a tourist walking Victoria Street to the Thames as women strolled past in lovely sun dresses, sandals, tank tops while the guys donned shorts and tees. Fine. I'm in all my glory, sweaty in my sweatshirt, heavy socks, sneakers, jeans, etc. I haven't brushed my teeth since before I left for the flight which laid over in JFK and on and on and on. I felt like a little girl who had no control over what she wore or selected while shopping because she didn't know best; Mom did. And so while I envied all the cute skirts and fun outfits I saw on the people walking along the water, I thought, am I going to be wearing this for the next 24 hours or more?
No, thank God. I got my suitcase late last night with all the lovelies I packed knowing that it was going to be heavenly here. All the fun clothes I purchased while shopping with Mom on Friday when I turned the big 2-7 were folded just so in my suitcase. Yup, they were there. I gained back my peace of mind and felt great this morning as I finished getting ready to attack my clients with enthusiasm, confidence and excitement.
That's right, it's my show and for once it's not about my boss and what's new with her. It's about what I know, what I think, and the work that I do. And for once, it feels frigging good to be where I am.
More later.
09 April 2007
Looking Forward and Being Pursued
So this is my last week of being twenty-six and it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I'll have plenty of time to think about being twenty-seven when I'm on the plane Saturday. I turn the big 2-7 on Friday the 13th and we'll be celebrating in the North End. My family will be there and Bub, of course. Another year gone. It's funny how nostalgic I am; I just wonder how I'll feel looking back on everything when I'm in my forties, eighties...
So. London. I leave on Saturday afternoon and I'm not looking forward to a long layover in NY. I suppose I could do work to keep busy, or call people I haven't talked to in a while, but something about waiting around in airports makes me feel like the flight is neverending since I'll have been waiting to board forever. Hopefully I'll get some sleep on the overnight flight. I have a 7am arrival and then the inevitable drop off of luggage while I wait for my room to be ready Sunday morning. Bub and I were not too happy dragging ourselves from museum to museum and sightseeing when we were exhausted. Maybe they'll have a room set for me. I hope to get out (and shop!) while sightseeing on Sunday afternoon with an old work colleague. Then it's the book fair and before I know it, back home.
I'm celebrating my birthday, bar-style and with friends the next Friday, so it's like a week-long celebration even though I work in between even if it is in a foreign country.
And finally, I'm being pursued by one company for a newly open position. The last job didn't work out and I'm OK with it, but I don't mind being hunted down to discuss new opportunities. Of course, it's too easy to meet with them in London (and I confirmed that they will be there), so it's an after work date with them on Wednesday. Lately I've found interviewing has been more a waste of my time more than anything. Sure, it's networking, but selling yourself is draining.
So. London. I leave on Saturday afternoon and I'm not looking forward to a long layover in NY. I suppose I could do work to keep busy, or call people I haven't talked to in a while, but something about waiting around in airports makes me feel like the flight is neverending since I'll have been waiting to board forever. Hopefully I'll get some sleep on the overnight flight. I have a 7am arrival and then the inevitable drop off of luggage while I wait for my room to be ready Sunday morning. Bub and I were not too happy dragging ourselves from museum to museum and sightseeing when we were exhausted. Maybe they'll have a room set for me. I hope to get out (and shop!) while sightseeing on Sunday afternoon with an old work colleague. Then it's the book fair and before I know it, back home.
I'm celebrating my birthday, bar-style and with friends the next Friday, so it's like a week-long celebration even though I work in between even if it is in a foreign country.
And finally, I'm being pursued by one company for a newly open position. The last job didn't work out and I'm OK with it, but I don't mind being hunted down to discuss new opportunities. Of course, it's too easy to meet with them in London (and I confirmed that they will be there), so it's an after work date with them on Wednesday. Lately I've found interviewing has been more a waste of my time more than anything. Sure, it's networking, but selling yourself is draining.
06 April 2007
Roundup
Soundtrack for Today: Get them Bodied - Beyonce
Tonight: Bowling
Tomorrow: Spa time
Tomorrow evening: Bake dessert for Easter with the family
Hope to Squeeze In: Nail time
Looking Forward To: Much-needed massage and brow wax
Need: Clothes to wear to London work event
Want: New spring jacket
Glad: It's Friday
Have to Do Now: Work
Happy Weekend.
Tonight: Bowling
Tomorrow: Spa time
Tomorrow evening: Bake dessert for Easter with the family
Hope to Squeeze In: Nail time
Looking Forward To: Much-needed massage and brow wax
Need: Clothes to wear to London work event
Want: New spring jacket
Glad: It's Friday
Have to Do Now: Work
Happy Weekend.
04 April 2007
The First Crush Story
For some reason, on my way to work today, as I drove the same stretch of rode I always do when I go the "usual" way to work, I had a green light and soared on through while thinking of my first crush.
I was in kindergarden. I learned how to spell yellow from using these little train posters on the wall whereby each train car was a color. I figured out that I liked writing with my left hand. And I remember the day I wanted to write with it even if more people in my class were starting to write with their right hands.
So, back to my crush.
I didn't know his name. No, this piece of information escapes me, but I remember he was one of the fifth graders designated by teachers and peers to volunteer for a little while with the kindergardeners and to play, share, and make sure we were, you know, kids.
I had the privilege of becoming a 5th grade helper, years later, and no, there were no cute boys in sight.
So this 5th grader we shall call X, he made my heart melt. He had dark hair, was tall--and gee, since I was in kindergarden, I know nothing else about him at all. I do know that he had a good heart because I saw him stick up for this girl when her hair got pulled by some snotty brat.
If you volunteer as a helper for the second shift of kindergarden, you take each line of kids out to their bus as the buses arrive. I was on Bus 5, which happened to be a cool bus, but one where I did not feel a lot of love. I was pushed and ignored upon my smiling hello's to others my age, but that is fine, I'm over it (moreso than when I was in kindergarden, of course). So upon taking out our line to the bus (oh, I loved getting up to the front of the line to follow X), I saw the incriminating action: snotty brat takes the high side-ponytail of some chick I wasn't friends with or didn't talk to--or maybe I did--we're going back 20ish years here--and at the yelping and "Owwwww"-ing of this girl, X turned around. He came over and told snotty brat to stop pulling unknown girl's hair and to apologize. Then he walked away.
And between his cuteness and the goodness of his heart, I was hooked. I couldn't wait for the end of the day when he took our line to the bus. And then I entered 1st grade and Matt was my next target.
I was in kindergarden. I learned how to spell yellow from using these little train posters on the wall whereby each train car was a color. I figured out that I liked writing with my left hand. And I remember the day I wanted to write with it even if more people in my class were starting to write with their right hands.
So, back to my crush.
I didn't know his name. No, this piece of information escapes me, but I remember he was one of the fifth graders designated by teachers and peers to volunteer for a little while with the kindergardeners and to play, share, and make sure we were, you know, kids.
I had the privilege of becoming a 5th grade helper, years later, and no, there were no cute boys in sight.
So this 5th grader we shall call X, he made my heart melt. He had dark hair, was tall--and gee, since I was in kindergarden, I know nothing else about him at all. I do know that he had a good heart because I saw him stick up for this girl when her hair got pulled by some snotty brat.
If you volunteer as a helper for the second shift of kindergarden, you take each line of kids out to their bus as the buses arrive. I was on Bus 5, which happened to be a cool bus, but one where I did not feel a lot of love. I was pushed and ignored upon my smiling hello's to others my age, but that is fine, I'm over it (moreso than when I was in kindergarden, of course). So upon taking out our line to the bus (oh, I loved getting up to the front of the line to follow X), I saw the incriminating action: snotty brat takes the high side-ponytail of some chick I wasn't friends with or didn't talk to--or maybe I did--we're going back 20ish years here--and at the yelping and "Owwwww"-ing of this girl, X turned around. He came over and told snotty brat to stop pulling unknown girl's hair and to apologize. Then he walked away.
And between his cuteness and the goodness of his heart, I was hooked. I couldn't wait for the end of the day when he took our line to the bus. And then I entered 1st grade and Matt was my next target.
03 April 2007
The prego jokes have died down and my mood has returned to not-pissed.
I'm still eyeing all the foods I eat, making myself feel guilty if I go back for seconds at dinner (the burritos and guacamole couldn't end at just one tortilla of rice and beans), and I'm carefully scheduling gym time so as to make it the four times I vowed I'd go this week.
We found a house and that has consumed all my time from approximately 3 o'clock on Sunday until the email and phone call I received from Bub at about 10ish o'clock this morning.
I found a house I could see us raising our babies in, having family visit us in, and me cleaning (yuck). But before we could think twice about it, numerous offers were made. We were left in the dust. Bub tried to prepare me.
They'll be a hiatus from the open houses, with Easter on Sunday and me being in another country the week after. But I feel more prepared. We've got some details ironed out. I'll be ready for the next whirlwind.
Bring it on.
I'm still eyeing all the foods I eat, making myself feel guilty if I go back for seconds at dinner (the burritos and guacamole couldn't end at just one tortilla of rice and beans), and I'm carefully scheduling gym time so as to make it the four times I vowed I'd go this week.
We found a house and that has consumed all my time from approximately 3 o'clock on Sunday until the email and phone call I received from Bub at about 10ish o'clock this morning.
I found a house I could see us raising our babies in, having family visit us in, and me cleaning (yuck). But before we could think twice about it, numerous offers were made. We were left in the dust. Bub tried to prepare me.
They'll be a hiatus from the open houses, with Easter on Sunday and me being in another country the week after. But I feel more prepared. We've got some details ironed out. I'll be ready for the next whirlwind.
Bring it on.
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