I bought a new headband among other things while in London. This is my second attempt at wearing it, but it's hurting my head too damn much. WTF?
My mother did one of her outburts during Dad's birthday dinner last night. Bub definitely saw it. She was short of starting to curse. Of course, it was over nothing special. She makes me so angry when she consumes too much alcohol. She doesn't even need it to act this way.
My dad couldn't even finish his meal. He had to bring the rest home. I know his stomach was turning just thinking about how my mother might carry on. Would she make an even bigger scene?
It's just not fair. I felt like the parent a little last night. Telling her to knock it off under my breath. Telling her that we're all waiting to eat because she made a big stink about her meal.
If she only had a mirror, she could see what she's like. And I hope one day if I act like that--and I'm sure I will or have or am trying to suppress the memory--that Bub pulls out my reflection so that I can see that I'm no longer in control.
I had to turn away from her so many times. I always get stuck sitting next to her. And it's not that I don't love her, it's because she desperately wants the attention and nurturing.
I can't give it to her like that. I refuse to. So the touching my arm, trying to talk at me, they just don't work Mom.
You need to stop.
30 April 2007
26 April 2007
I have been tagged by Sass
And so here we go!
A - Available or Taken? I'm a Mrs. and about to celebrate my 1-year wedding anniversary. Sigh. Has it been almost a year since our magical day?
B - Best Friend? Bub. He's seen all sides of me. Some scary, but hopefully the fun outweighs the ugly : ) Also some gal pals--none who read this blog (let alone know it exists!).
C - Cake or Pie? What a toughie! If the cake and pie option have chocolate in it, I could go either way. Show me chocolate cake with yummy frosting versus blueberry pie and I'm all for the cake. Show me vanilla cake with yummy frosting and mud pie and I think I'd go mud...
D - Drink of Choice? Ummm...Riesling. Syrah. Coffee milkshake, although they make my tummy go nutty. Diet Coke after for a hangover. Seltzer with juice (spritzer). Iced coffee--French vanilla w/ skim from Dunkin's or an iced skim latte at Starbuckers.
E - Essential Item(s)? Chapstick and/or lip gloss, my watch
F - Favorite Color? Blue like my bridesmaids' dresses, yellow, watermelon greens, getting into reds--love pinks.
G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Bears; they're cuter!
H - Hometown? I was born in Boston and that's all I'm sayin'!
I - Indulgence? Chocolate, French fries w/ ketchup...heavenly! Chicken fingers with honey mustard, cheesecake.
J - January or February? February; it's closer to spring...
K - Kids? Yes; but I'm afraid for the pushing and not knowing when the baby will come.
L - Life is incomplete without… happiness
M - Marriage Date 07/22/2006 : )
N - Number of Siblings One, older sister
O - Oranges or Apples? Granny apple especially if I can put PB on it--creamy low-fat JIF. Or oranges -- I love when they're cut up in quarters like they did for a snack during soccer games.
P - Phobias/Fears Sometimes the dark! Death is my number one fear though--others dying moreso than me.
Q - Favorite Quote
May your voyage through life be as happy and as free
As the dancing waves on the deep blue sea
R - Reasons to Smile? I can wake up each day next to my husband, great family and friends who I sometimes take for granted.
S - Season? Summer--spring too if it's warm and not borderline freezing! I do love the fall colors as well.
T - Tag Three: Kris, Erin, and Stacy!!!
U - Unknown Fact About Me I cry at the finales of reality shows: American Idol (even if I don't really like the singer--no offense Fantasia), or America's Next Top Model. I really become so happy for them that they won!
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Oppressor
W - Worst habits? Bad temper!
X - X-rays or Ultrasounds? X-Ray; my mom is an X-Ray Technologist!
Y - Your Favorite Foods Pasta, pizza (carb-lover!) brownies...it goes on and on!
Z - Zodiac Aries
A - Available or Taken? I'm a Mrs. and about to celebrate my 1-year wedding anniversary. Sigh. Has it been almost a year since our magical day?
B - Best Friend? Bub. He's seen all sides of me. Some scary, but hopefully the fun outweighs the ugly : ) Also some gal pals--none who read this blog (let alone know it exists!).
C - Cake or Pie? What a toughie! If the cake and pie option have chocolate in it, I could go either way. Show me chocolate cake with yummy frosting versus blueberry pie and I'm all for the cake. Show me vanilla cake with yummy frosting and mud pie and I think I'd go mud...
D - Drink of Choice? Ummm...Riesling. Syrah. Coffee milkshake, although they make my tummy go nutty. Diet Coke after for a hangover. Seltzer with juice (spritzer). Iced coffee--French vanilla w/ skim from Dunkin's or an iced skim latte at Starbuckers.
E - Essential Item(s)? Chapstick and/or lip gloss, my watch
F - Favorite Color? Blue like my bridesmaids' dresses, yellow, watermelon greens, getting into reds--love pinks.
G - Gummi Bears or Worms? Bears; they're cuter!
H - Hometown? I was born in Boston and that's all I'm sayin'!
I - Indulgence? Chocolate, French fries w/ ketchup...heavenly! Chicken fingers with honey mustard, cheesecake.
J - January or February? February; it's closer to spring...
K - Kids? Yes; but I'm afraid for the pushing and not knowing when the baby will come.
L - Life is incomplete without… happiness
M - Marriage Date 07/22/2006 : )
N - Number of Siblings One, older sister
O - Oranges or Apples? Granny apple especially if I can put PB on it--creamy low-fat JIF. Or oranges -- I love when they're cut up in quarters like they did for a snack during soccer games.
P - Phobias/Fears Sometimes the dark! Death is my number one fear though--others dying moreso than me.
Q - Favorite Quote
May your voyage through life be as happy and as free
As the dancing waves on the deep blue sea
R - Reasons to Smile? I can wake up each day next to my husband, great family and friends who I sometimes take for granted.
S - Season? Summer--spring too if it's warm and not borderline freezing! I do love the fall colors as well.
T - Tag Three: Kris, Erin, and Stacy!!!
U - Unknown Fact About Me I cry at the finales of reality shows: American Idol (even if I don't really like the singer--no offense Fantasia), or America's Next Top Model. I really become so happy for them that they won!
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? Oppressor
W - Worst habits? Bad temper!
X - X-rays or Ultrasounds? X-Ray; my mom is an X-Ray Technologist!
Y - Your Favorite Foods Pasta, pizza (carb-lover!) brownies...it goes on and on!
Z - Zodiac Aries
22 April 2007
Good mood
Perhaps it's the spring weather that has finally shown its face, but I'm not feeling too shabby these days. Granted, things aren't perfect, starting with the fact that my boss returns from vacation tomorrow which may mean that things could get a bit hectic as I have a lot on my plate to do from my recent work trip to just regular work in general.
But it was prior to my leaving for the work fair that had me thinking about a billboard I saw while driving. I can remember it was for VW and probably for their bug cars, the updated bug and how they're so cheerful which is why the banner on the ad made so much sense: Misery has enough company. Be happy. I'm not sure that's exactly how it was phrased, but you get the gist. And not that I enjoy being miserable, it's just that I can get irritated all too quickly. A trip on the train reminded me of this on departure day for London.
I sat on the train inspecting my nails. I scored an oh-so-cheap manicure that morning which was fantastic because they went quickly, did a good job, and were, as previously stated, cheap. Sure it wasn't totally therapeutic, but I needed a quick job as I had to leave and so there it was.
Bub had the car, so I was minutes from our place to then call a cab and be on my way to the airport. A Chinese couple who I wasn't sure was from the area sat across from me. And then confirming my observation, the Chinese woman asked the train driver (or whatever their proper title is) for directions: which stop do they get off at. I couldn't really hear and the woman sat down next to me as I think she was worried about missing her stop. She kept a close eye on her husband in case they had to make any quick moves.
And then, bam. This woman out of no where starts huffing and puffing her way to the door, train pass in her mouth, one plastic bag hanging around her wrist. You'd think she had walked 40 miles to her deathbed; she looked terrible and the nastiness that was to come would solidify the entire grouchy character she wore so well on her sleeve.
These trains are bad enough as it is. UNCROSS YOUR LEGS. I look up and yes, she's looking at me. Is this now a crime?
Well, remember how I said that I easily become irritable? I wasn't about to let this go without so much as a reply. She's passed right on and is close to the door, even closer to the Chinese woman on my right. And so here it comes from my mouth without so much as a thought that maybe I shouldn't have said this, but she WAS rude: That was quite rude. Since when is it wrong to cross your legs on a train?
That was the straw that broke the camel's back, but it wasn't the old grouch who replied, it was a man hollering far on my left: If you weren't a woman, I would do something about this! You're a NASTY, OLD LADY!
And there it was.
The woman got off the train and acted as if she didn't hear us or couldn't care less.
And I thought did I do the right thing? Was that classy? Should I have stood up for myself like that or was this woman just clueless about life, people, walking on trains?
And then I hear the soft murmur on my right. The Chinese woman, she was still on the train, her husband in tow, where she left him. And her reply was so simple, so intelligent, so easy.
Forgive.
So lady, I guess I forgive you, but if you're going to walk around and be miserable then of course there are going to be billboards that tell you otherwise. And perhaps you should look into purchasing a VW bug to cure you of your misery.
But it was prior to my leaving for the work fair that had me thinking about a billboard I saw while driving. I can remember it was for VW and probably for their bug cars, the updated bug and how they're so cheerful which is why the banner on the ad made so much sense: Misery has enough company. Be happy. I'm not sure that's exactly how it was phrased, but you get the gist. And not that I enjoy being miserable, it's just that I can get irritated all too quickly. A trip on the train reminded me of this on departure day for London.
I sat on the train inspecting my nails. I scored an oh-so-cheap manicure that morning which was fantastic because they went quickly, did a good job, and were, as previously stated, cheap. Sure it wasn't totally therapeutic, but I needed a quick job as I had to leave and so there it was.
Bub had the car, so I was minutes from our place to then call a cab and be on my way to the airport. A Chinese couple who I wasn't sure was from the area sat across from me. And then confirming my observation, the Chinese woman asked the train driver (or whatever their proper title is) for directions: which stop do they get off at. I couldn't really hear and the woman sat down next to me as I think she was worried about missing her stop. She kept a close eye on her husband in case they had to make any quick moves.
And then, bam. This woman out of no where starts huffing and puffing her way to the door, train pass in her mouth, one plastic bag hanging around her wrist. You'd think she had walked 40 miles to her deathbed; she looked terrible and the nastiness that was to come would solidify the entire grouchy character she wore so well on her sleeve.
These trains are bad enough as it is. UNCROSS YOUR LEGS. I look up and yes, she's looking at me. Is this now a crime?
Well, remember how I said that I easily become irritable? I wasn't about to let this go without so much as a reply. She's passed right on and is close to the door, even closer to the Chinese woman on my right. And so here it comes from my mouth without so much as a thought that maybe I shouldn't have said this, but she WAS rude: That was quite rude. Since when is it wrong to cross your legs on a train?
That was the straw that broke the camel's back, but it wasn't the old grouch who replied, it was a man hollering far on my left: If you weren't a woman, I would do something about this! You're a NASTY, OLD LADY!
And there it was.
The woman got off the train and acted as if she didn't hear us or couldn't care less.
And I thought did I do the right thing? Was that classy? Should I have stood up for myself like that or was this woman just clueless about life, people, walking on trains?
And then I hear the soft murmur on my right. The Chinese woman, she was still on the train, her husband in tow, where she left him. And her reply was so simple, so intelligent, so easy.
Forgive.
So lady, I guess I forgive you, but if you're going to walk around and be miserable then of course there are going to be billboards that tell you otherwise. And perhaps you should look into purchasing a VW bug to cure you of your misery.
16 April 2007
Weather is therapy
At least if you're in London that is.
I arrived yesterday and had a mental breakdown. It has already happened at two of these events: they misplaced my luggage.
We don't know where it is. Don't worry. It should be at your hotel tomorrow.
Ooooo. Great. I'm really happy to hear this. I left the airport feeling defeated after sticking around for 2+ hours yesterday after we arrived. Just great. I looked like a tourist walking Victoria Street to the Thames as women strolled past in lovely sun dresses, sandals, tank tops while the guys donned shorts and tees. Fine. I'm in all my glory, sweaty in my sweatshirt, heavy socks, sneakers, jeans, etc. I haven't brushed my teeth since before I left for the flight which laid over in JFK and on and on and on. I felt like a little girl who had no control over what she wore or selected while shopping because she didn't know best; Mom did. And so while I envied all the cute skirts and fun outfits I saw on the people walking along the water, I thought, am I going to be wearing this for the next 24 hours or more?
No, thank God. I got my suitcase late last night with all the lovelies I packed knowing that it was going to be heavenly here. All the fun clothes I purchased while shopping with Mom on Friday when I turned the big 2-7 were folded just so in my suitcase. Yup, they were there. I gained back my peace of mind and felt great this morning as I finished getting ready to attack my clients with enthusiasm, confidence and excitement.
That's right, it's my show and for once it's not about my boss and what's new with her. It's about what I know, what I think, and the work that I do. And for once, it feels frigging good to be where I am.
More later.
I arrived yesterday and had a mental breakdown. It has already happened at two of these events: they misplaced my luggage.
We don't know where it is. Don't worry. It should be at your hotel tomorrow.
Ooooo. Great. I'm really happy to hear this. I left the airport feeling defeated after sticking around for 2+ hours yesterday after we arrived. Just great. I looked like a tourist walking Victoria Street to the Thames as women strolled past in lovely sun dresses, sandals, tank tops while the guys donned shorts and tees. Fine. I'm in all my glory, sweaty in my sweatshirt, heavy socks, sneakers, jeans, etc. I haven't brushed my teeth since before I left for the flight which laid over in JFK and on and on and on. I felt like a little girl who had no control over what she wore or selected while shopping because she didn't know best; Mom did. And so while I envied all the cute skirts and fun outfits I saw on the people walking along the water, I thought, am I going to be wearing this for the next 24 hours or more?
No, thank God. I got my suitcase late last night with all the lovelies I packed knowing that it was going to be heavenly here. All the fun clothes I purchased while shopping with Mom on Friday when I turned the big 2-7 were folded just so in my suitcase. Yup, they were there. I gained back my peace of mind and felt great this morning as I finished getting ready to attack my clients with enthusiasm, confidence and excitement.
That's right, it's my show and for once it's not about my boss and what's new with her. It's about what I know, what I think, and the work that I do. And for once, it feels frigging good to be where I am.
More later.
09 April 2007
Looking Forward and Being Pursued
So this is my last week of being twenty-six and it hasn't quite sunk in yet. I'll have plenty of time to think about being twenty-seven when I'm on the plane Saturday. I turn the big 2-7 on Friday the 13th and we'll be celebrating in the North End. My family will be there and Bub, of course. Another year gone. It's funny how nostalgic I am; I just wonder how I'll feel looking back on everything when I'm in my forties, eighties...
So. London. I leave on Saturday afternoon and I'm not looking forward to a long layover in NY. I suppose I could do work to keep busy, or call people I haven't talked to in a while, but something about waiting around in airports makes me feel like the flight is neverending since I'll have been waiting to board forever. Hopefully I'll get some sleep on the overnight flight. I have a 7am arrival and then the inevitable drop off of luggage while I wait for my room to be ready Sunday morning. Bub and I were not too happy dragging ourselves from museum to museum and sightseeing when we were exhausted. Maybe they'll have a room set for me. I hope to get out (and shop!) while sightseeing on Sunday afternoon with an old work colleague. Then it's the book fair and before I know it, back home.
I'm celebrating my birthday, bar-style and with friends the next Friday, so it's like a week-long celebration even though I work in between even if it is in a foreign country.
And finally, I'm being pursued by one company for a newly open position. The last job didn't work out and I'm OK with it, but I don't mind being hunted down to discuss new opportunities. Of course, it's too easy to meet with them in London (and I confirmed that they will be there), so it's an after work date with them on Wednesday. Lately I've found interviewing has been more a waste of my time more than anything. Sure, it's networking, but selling yourself is draining.
So. London. I leave on Saturday afternoon and I'm not looking forward to a long layover in NY. I suppose I could do work to keep busy, or call people I haven't talked to in a while, but something about waiting around in airports makes me feel like the flight is neverending since I'll have been waiting to board forever. Hopefully I'll get some sleep on the overnight flight. I have a 7am arrival and then the inevitable drop off of luggage while I wait for my room to be ready Sunday morning. Bub and I were not too happy dragging ourselves from museum to museum and sightseeing when we were exhausted. Maybe they'll have a room set for me. I hope to get out (and shop!) while sightseeing on Sunday afternoon with an old work colleague. Then it's the book fair and before I know it, back home.
I'm celebrating my birthday, bar-style and with friends the next Friday, so it's like a week-long celebration even though I work in between even if it is in a foreign country.
And finally, I'm being pursued by one company for a newly open position. The last job didn't work out and I'm OK with it, but I don't mind being hunted down to discuss new opportunities. Of course, it's too easy to meet with them in London (and I confirmed that they will be there), so it's an after work date with them on Wednesday. Lately I've found interviewing has been more a waste of my time more than anything. Sure, it's networking, but selling yourself is draining.
06 April 2007
Roundup
Soundtrack for Today: Get them Bodied - Beyonce
Tonight: Bowling
Tomorrow: Spa time
Tomorrow evening: Bake dessert for Easter with the family
Hope to Squeeze In: Nail time
Looking Forward To: Much-needed massage and brow wax
Need: Clothes to wear to London work event
Want: New spring jacket
Glad: It's Friday
Have to Do Now: Work
Happy Weekend.
Tonight: Bowling
Tomorrow: Spa time
Tomorrow evening: Bake dessert for Easter with the family
Hope to Squeeze In: Nail time
Looking Forward To: Much-needed massage and brow wax
Need: Clothes to wear to London work event
Want: New spring jacket
Glad: It's Friday
Have to Do Now: Work
Happy Weekend.
04 April 2007
The First Crush Story
For some reason, on my way to work today, as I drove the same stretch of rode I always do when I go the "usual" way to work, I had a green light and soared on through while thinking of my first crush.
I was in kindergarden. I learned how to spell yellow from using these little train posters on the wall whereby each train car was a color. I figured out that I liked writing with my left hand. And I remember the day I wanted to write with it even if more people in my class were starting to write with their right hands.
So, back to my crush.
I didn't know his name. No, this piece of information escapes me, but I remember he was one of the fifth graders designated by teachers and peers to volunteer for a little while with the kindergardeners and to play, share, and make sure we were, you know, kids.
I had the privilege of becoming a 5th grade helper, years later, and no, there were no cute boys in sight.
So this 5th grader we shall call X, he made my heart melt. He had dark hair, was tall--and gee, since I was in kindergarden, I know nothing else about him at all. I do know that he had a good heart because I saw him stick up for this girl when her hair got pulled by some snotty brat.
If you volunteer as a helper for the second shift of kindergarden, you take each line of kids out to their bus as the buses arrive. I was on Bus 5, which happened to be a cool bus, but one where I did not feel a lot of love. I was pushed and ignored upon my smiling hello's to others my age, but that is fine, I'm over it (moreso than when I was in kindergarden, of course). So upon taking out our line to the bus (oh, I loved getting up to the front of the line to follow X), I saw the incriminating action: snotty brat takes the high side-ponytail of some chick I wasn't friends with or didn't talk to--or maybe I did--we're going back 20ish years here--and at the yelping and "Owwwww"-ing of this girl, X turned around. He came over and told snotty brat to stop pulling unknown girl's hair and to apologize. Then he walked away.
And between his cuteness and the goodness of his heart, I was hooked. I couldn't wait for the end of the day when he took our line to the bus. And then I entered 1st grade and Matt was my next target.
I was in kindergarden. I learned how to spell yellow from using these little train posters on the wall whereby each train car was a color. I figured out that I liked writing with my left hand. And I remember the day I wanted to write with it even if more people in my class were starting to write with their right hands.
So, back to my crush.
I didn't know his name. No, this piece of information escapes me, but I remember he was one of the fifth graders designated by teachers and peers to volunteer for a little while with the kindergardeners and to play, share, and make sure we were, you know, kids.
I had the privilege of becoming a 5th grade helper, years later, and no, there were no cute boys in sight.
So this 5th grader we shall call X, he made my heart melt. He had dark hair, was tall--and gee, since I was in kindergarden, I know nothing else about him at all. I do know that he had a good heart because I saw him stick up for this girl when her hair got pulled by some snotty brat.
If you volunteer as a helper for the second shift of kindergarden, you take each line of kids out to their bus as the buses arrive. I was on Bus 5, which happened to be a cool bus, but one where I did not feel a lot of love. I was pushed and ignored upon my smiling hello's to others my age, but that is fine, I'm over it (moreso than when I was in kindergarden, of course). So upon taking out our line to the bus (oh, I loved getting up to the front of the line to follow X), I saw the incriminating action: snotty brat takes the high side-ponytail of some chick I wasn't friends with or didn't talk to--or maybe I did--we're going back 20ish years here--and at the yelping and "Owwwww"-ing of this girl, X turned around. He came over and told snotty brat to stop pulling unknown girl's hair and to apologize. Then he walked away.
And between his cuteness and the goodness of his heart, I was hooked. I couldn't wait for the end of the day when he took our line to the bus. And then I entered 1st grade and Matt was my next target.
03 April 2007
The prego jokes have died down and my mood has returned to not-pissed.
I'm still eyeing all the foods I eat, making myself feel guilty if I go back for seconds at dinner (the burritos and guacamole couldn't end at just one tortilla of rice and beans), and I'm carefully scheduling gym time so as to make it the four times I vowed I'd go this week.
We found a house and that has consumed all my time from approximately 3 o'clock on Sunday until the email and phone call I received from Bub at about 10ish o'clock this morning.
I found a house I could see us raising our babies in, having family visit us in, and me cleaning (yuck). But before we could think twice about it, numerous offers were made. We were left in the dust. Bub tried to prepare me.
They'll be a hiatus from the open houses, with Easter on Sunday and me being in another country the week after. But I feel more prepared. We've got some details ironed out. I'll be ready for the next whirlwind.
Bring it on.
I'm still eyeing all the foods I eat, making myself feel guilty if I go back for seconds at dinner (the burritos and guacamole couldn't end at just one tortilla of rice and beans), and I'm carefully scheduling gym time so as to make it the four times I vowed I'd go this week.
We found a house and that has consumed all my time from approximately 3 o'clock on Sunday until the email and phone call I received from Bub at about 10ish o'clock this morning.
I found a house I could see us raising our babies in, having family visit us in, and me cleaning (yuck). But before we could think twice about it, numerous offers were made. We were left in the dust. Bub tried to prepare me.
They'll be a hiatus from the open houses, with Easter on Sunday and me being in another country the week after. But I feel more prepared. We've got some details ironed out. I'll be ready for the next whirlwind.
Bring it on.
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