To the new, shiny, dark, green BMW car neighbor. Welcome! I started to wonder if anyone drove you, but judging from my departure this morning, since you were gone, I figured your owner took you on a walk to work. Although, after thoroughly checking out your front and back (seats!) I see that you're either really new, or hardly used, or you have an insane owner who cleans you thoroughly daily. I opt for choice A. Welcome to our dirty part of the parking area where we park close to trash cans college students cannot fill properly thereby leaving trash and such all around your bumper!

Is your driver a male or female? I see that the seat is close to the wheel so I go for choice B. However, if I'm wrong and it's a male, well, I wonder if he's any cute? (Just kidding! I have a husband--why would I care?)

Please make sure you are parked close to the wall of the garage on your left. Do not show off that you can back into your spot. We all can when no one is parked directly behind us! If you do not park close to the wall I must compensate by parking closer to my other car neighbor's driver, a moron, who is afraid of the pole that is not ever close to her precious car, but yet writes emails to my husband telling him we park too close to her. Get a life, moron.

Finally, shiny, dark, green beamer. If you ever need a test ride--a trip out--anything at all--whatever you do, don't open your doors too close to mine and injure pretty, shiny, light blue, lovely Acura or I will kill you.

Love, me