quickie

I just baked glazed breakfast buns. They are cooling and I can't wait to see how they come out. They even look "pretty" too!

I haven't been out of our condo since yesterday morning. I went to my first included personal trainer session yesterday after almost missing it due to the lack of an alarm being set. I am paying for the hard work of yesterday's session: I am sore all over...

We are going to hopefully check out some open houses today. In case I didn't mention in an earlier post our house we were so excited about was sold. And sold well below the asking price as Bub just informed me today. As my friend from work said: It's a heartbreaker and you'll have plenty of those. She also said the nifty "It wasn't meant to be." And I agree. I just have to convince Bub there's something else better for us out there and of course, we need to find it!

Oh yeah, I'm so over my job. I have a love-hate thing going on and it's more hate than anything. I feel like a lost puppy and when someone calls my name I don't know which way to go--do something new? Find a job with what's open right now? Get prepared for school of some sort? Someone please advise.

wtf

i have like a zit forming on my face. at 26, i think i'm set with having my fair share of these things. wtf??

anyway, i opted to stay in tonight. i had grand plans of hosting a visit for my sister. we'd laugh and hang and drink pumpkin beer and be crazy. but i wasn't feeling it. i feel that my weird sleep the other night (you know, my weird dreams post) bubbled over to yesterday, although i did have a better sleep last night, but went to bed late b/c as you know, i can't miss my show: 6 degrees...anyway...so we decided on a rain check. how perfect since it's pouring, cold and gross out, which makes perfect weather for chianti and 6 feet under. i've been watching adoringly the strange characters, weird humor, and good soundracks (well, listening to those). anyway. bub is at the movies, which is fine by me. i love having nights to myself, especially after a long-ass work week. i had my typical it's wednesday but i keep thinking it's thursday week. this brings me to my next topic: work.

so there's an opening at a place that i once applied to, but the commute would be hell. where i live yields practically no jobs that i want; i'd have to move to nyc for that. so the other job i applied for, i interviewed for literally like 5 days before my wedding or some cracked ass thing like that. when they called to say they took someone with the concentration in xyz over me, i didn't care b/c dude, i was getting hitched and then off to italy for a 2 week getaway. so now i have a chance to apply for a similar job but working on much cooler stuff than the last job would have allowed me. do i apply? more on this later, but i'll probably pull my usual: apply and then decide if i get an offer. whoop dee doo. i hate being an adult.

and tomorrow i'll return to good old umass for homecoming. i'll see great friends, old ones, relive memories, be the band geek that you all know and even see old crushes...anyway--i'm supposed to go with a big-ass zit on my face? on top of that i'll feel like a fat ass since the "gym" isn't even in my vocab anymore.

i think i've had too much wine. TGIF!

addendum to post i wrote 2 seconds ago

told you i didn't want to wash the dishes.

oh, so the baby dream? i forgot to write that isn't it weird that it was after 4 months that i had the baby and the baby was fine? is it possible to have a baby and it's fine after only 4 months? maybe that's why we left it at the hospital? because it (don't know if it was a he or she, but i think it was a she) needed urgent care?

also, i'm avoiding the gym. i don't know why. i am officially in anti-gym mode. someone please help.

i just finished watching the gubernatorial debate on tv. i don't usually watch those things...well sometimes i do. but this one confirmed it. healey is a dirty fighter, arrogant and pretty irritating. maybe not the strongest reasons NOT to vote for her, but clearly patrick is the right choice. you can tell alot by the way someone conducts themself at these things. anyway. that solves that.

so last night i had these two strange dreams that i'm surprised i remembered, but since my sleep was interrupted every hour because if i sleep near one of those light up red-numbered digital clocks, it has to be turned away or else i think i'm always late waking up or just need to watch it for some reason. weird i know but this is the way it's always been. so my sleep was not good and bub usually sleeps closest to the clock that refuses to let me sleep. anyway, back to the dreams:

dream #1: i had a baby. BUT i had the baby after only a 4-month pregnancy. i don't remember the labor BUT i think we were on something. not that we're a bunch of druggies in the dream, but bub and i left our baby in the hospital and went out and a few DAYS later realized that we should um maybe go back and get the baby from the hospital. also, i realized i should make 2 calls: one to my parents to um, let them know i had a baby! and the other was a call to my boss. i was worried that after 4 months i wouldn't be showing enough to convince my boss i should be on maternity leave. yeah. nice.

dream #2: i'm in the kitchen of our old apartment. there is this guy who isn't even attractive in the dream too. no bub. well it doesn't matter that this guy isn't attractive since he wants to play a game. he wants to blindfold me with a napkin--the cloth kind. he wants me to hold the rest while he tries to stab them with a knife. WHAT??? i tell him that he'll probably stab them and me and then i don't remember anything except waking up next to the bright clock and feeling a tad bit scared.

so that's it for dreams.

and finally: a thought while driving home: if we just chose different words with which to tell our stories, would we all be great writers? best selling authors?

ok, off to wash the dishes. yuck.

The end of a blog

It has recently come to my attention that two people within the last week have ended their blogs. They broke up wtih cyberspace if you will. One makes mention that there is nothing left to be said. And we all know that can't be true. But it is stated that there are other things to try. I agree. However I don't see how someone comes to a decision such as this. And even if I did, I'm not sure I would openly post something that said "Farewell, cyberfriends!" or maybe I would. But then again I don't plan on not writing anymore here anytime soon. For some of you, that's good news, for some it's not. And for most, no one really ever reads this thing anyway.

Another ex-blogger wrote that he's signing off blah, blah, blah and this post happened to be the first time I was reading his blog ever. And I became truly upset. I had discovered written entertainment and a sneak peek into someone's life, a new blog to link to, but now why bother? I didn't even get to know the blogger and wham--we're already broken up.

Why do you think people suddenly decide to end their blogs?

friday notes

First: YIPPEEE! It's Friday! : )

Second: I have some things to share with everyone.

First, I'm on the hunt for a GREAT book. Dear friend Daily Editor let me borrow a book of short stories which has been a smashing hit. However, the time has come to now read something else as I am almost done with the book she let me borrow oh, a million years ago. I've been reading about new releases and scanning Amazon reviews for something good. I don't like to trust Amazon which is why I am asking for you to please help me find a new book. In fact, I have a date at the bookstore come lunchtime to choose something to indulge in this weekend.

I have not exercised since I've been back from the book fair. I'm feeling soft and squishy and I'm in a procrastination funk. Today is my half-birthday. You'd think I'd get my ass in gear on a momentous day like this one. But you see, it's ever so difficult to want to exercise, let alone do so on a Friday after work. I set my alarm to get up early this morning however I just HAD to stay up last night and watch that show 6 degrees. I missed last week's episode and Bub didn't even watch it for me (no surprise) so I don't know who the young new chick is kissing the photographer dude. Other than that, I don't think I missed much. If I did, please let me know. Also, why is it on at 10? I am getting old and bedtime at 11 is just not working out.

And finally this is the last bit to share since I really ought to be working (shhh)...I f-ed up the colors on my blog. The new lovely colors I chose show up on the "preview" bit, but I saved them and republished my blog and index a bajillion times and now I have drunk colors that aren't so pretty. Please help if you can.

Ciao.

getting closer, but not there yet

Thanks to Lufthansa, I've returned from my second trip to Germany for the annual book fair. I was mentally prepared for it having been through the experience one year ago. I shopped for outfits that would make a good impression not only to new partners who had never met me in person, but to boost my confidence when presenting our business model. I was almost perfectly organized, although most of the paperwork I did last year was repeated this year, but I felt even more in tune with knowing I was ready for any of our many meetings.

When I left last Monday evening in a somewhat pathetic tearful goodbye--this would be my first trip away from Bub as a married couple--I felt a homesickness that started a few days prior to the trip when I know I would be inundated with the monotony of it all. That I would yet again be with my manager 24-7 as though a child who needed to be kept on a leash and watched. It irked me and it was hard to keep my cheerful disposition up, difficult to keep the facade going, and very exhausting. And again, I drooled over the many creative outlets that come alive at this fair, consisting of exhibition center upon exhibition center upon exhibition center.

I was able to connect with two people--one stranger and one acquaintance--about starting my own "thing"...what that is, I don't know. But I'm getting closer. And I feel that by complaining that I don't know where to start, how to go about it, what to do, how to fund it, I'll just leave it at this: we met with a number of people who are the the very people who started their businesses from nothing, even went on to sell them to large notable companies only to start from scratch again.

What are their books like? Dreadful. Boring. Yuck. So if they can succeed at building a business on this stuff, then I would like a go at starting something even though it may never grow to be something quite as successful. And as my father said, you just have to jump right in.

I actually got homesick for my first job. Not to be an editorial assistant. My goodness, never do I wish for that again. But seeing the books I had worked on when I was fresh out of school and seeing the people who I once saw every day, and reflecting on those people who I used to work closely with and had close friendships with (some are still friends, thank goodness!), I wonder if I've migrated far away from what it was that I vowed to do when I was still in college: crack into trade publishing.

I'm afraid that excuses are no longer valid any more. In fact, the ones I use are tired and useless at this point.

At an age where I'm migrating away from the days when classes, band, and reading and writing papers to receive my degree are slipping away, I feel some what old. Although I know I'm not by society's standards, I feel as though I am by mine. Because now that I'm married and haven't fully decided if I should return to school (we all know that law school it mostly likely won't be and that's okay), a family is in our future at some point and well, being an adult is getting harder by the day.