07 February 2006

So the A/C is on here. I have a little over 1/2 hour with plenty to do here at the office. Yet the blowing cold air during the winter months--I'm not digging it.

I went to a bachelorette party on Sat. night. I have mixed feelings about the ordeal. It started with a spa trip, which is always a treat for me. Even if it was just to get my nails done, which it was, I'm totally into the whole body pampering experience.

Next we ate dinner and attended a "party" and then finished the evening off at a bar.

It's the people I need to comment on, those who attended the party. My friend is a fellow UMASSer, someone who I'd like to think I can keep in touch with and be blunt with for a long time to come. Her sisters attended and are in the wedding, so they did all of the coordinating of the evening. Very cool and fun chicks. Aside from one person, all the other ladies were fellow UMASSers. I hadn't seen them in a long while. A few years or more, to be exact. I couldn't help but think that these were people who I spent long bus rides with, had classes with, saw at least 6 days of each week. We practiced together, pledged together, gossiped about one another--but one common thread ran amongst us: alcohol. It was the drinking, the partying, the socializing while drunk aspect that allowed me to be friendly with these people. So when it came down to going to this bar on Saturday night, though there were awkward moments of silence earlier in the evening with the generic "How ARE you?" questions with the fake emphasis on "ARE"--I realized that it was the drinking that made the friendships real.

Tales from an alcoholic? I don't think so. Pathetic friends? No... I think it was just me being young and me being naive and me regretting not finding something else besides a party to use as a connection, as a friendship with these people. And I'm really not sure how I feel about it all. With some of them, I saw the remaining connection. But I felt like someone looking in. Something that was. I think I've moved on. And though I feel that these friendships were built on forced relationships of "sisterhood" and band friends, I wonder if I'll ever find those same friendship bonds, those safe friendships again in my life but in a different capacity.

My fingers are numb. The A/C continues to churn.

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