03 July 2006

I'm trying not to rush.

Yesterday, I did my usual guilt trip/bug Bub session as we still had a number of items pertaining to the ceremony to figure out.

When we made progress--when we finished almost all of what needed decision making, I thought: wow, I feel like I just rushed us through that.

Bub kindly pointed out that we had revisited the little ceremony booklet to choose readings and excerpts about four times. I felt better, but couldn't help but think that we'll never pick readings out for a ceremony tailored just for us again. We'll never choose cake flavors that we'll cut with specific cake cutting knives and servers just for us and our reception party. First dances will not be selected again, only second, third, and fourth ones until we're old and gray and at our kids' weddings.

All of this wedding talk, decision-making, and buzz has seriously gone straight to my head. On top of it all, I've added other outside stress, non-wedding related. Bub assures me I need to cover all my areas, check out all opportunities before passing them by. But why do I feel the need to handle this extra stress now? Because that's my personality: get it done, out of the way, cross it off the list.

Some day, I'm going to wish I still had a list of things to cross off and not merely a feeling of "It's done" in my heart.

I'm getting married this month and I know I'll have wedding blues after the day is over. But that won't compare to the man I will have married and the prospect of many wonderful years together.

If only I could feel excited about doing laundry and going to the gym.

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