quickie

I just baked glazed breakfast buns. They are cooling and I can't wait to see how they come out. They even look "pretty" too!

I haven't been out of our condo since yesterday morning. I went to my first included personal trainer session yesterday after almost missing it due to the lack of an alarm being set. I am paying for the hard work of yesterday's session: I am sore all over...

We are going to hopefully check out some open houses today. In case I didn't mention in an earlier post our house we were so excited about was sold. And sold well below the asking price as Bub just informed me today. As my friend from work said: It's a heartbreaker and you'll have plenty of those. She also said the nifty "It wasn't meant to be." And I agree. I just have to convince Bub there's something else better for us out there and of course, we need to find it!

Oh yeah, I'm so over my job. I have a love-hate thing going on and it's more hate than anything. I feel like a lost puppy and when someone calls my name I don't know which way to go--do something new? Find a job with what's open right now? Get prepared for school of some sort? Someone please advise.

wtf

i have like a zit forming on my face. at 26, i think i'm set with having my fair share of these things. wtf??

anyway, i opted to stay in tonight. i had grand plans of hosting a visit for my sister. we'd laugh and hang and drink pumpkin beer and be crazy. but i wasn't feeling it. i feel that my weird sleep the other night (you know, my weird dreams post) bubbled over to yesterday, although i did have a better sleep last night, but went to bed late b/c as you know, i can't miss my show: 6 degrees...anyway...so we decided on a rain check. how perfect since it's pouring, cold and gross out, which makes perfect weather for chianti and 6 feet under. i've been watching adoringly the strange characters, weird humor, and good soundracks (well, listening to those). anyway. bub is at the movies, which is fine by me. i love having nights to myself, especially after a long-ass work week. i had my typical it's wednesday but i keep thinking it's thursday week. this brings me to my next topic: work.

so there's an opening at a place that i once applied to, but the commute would be hell. where i live yields practically no jobs that i want; i'd have to move to nyc for that. so the other job i applied for, i interviewed for literally like 5 days before my wedding or some cracked ass thing like that. when they called to say they took someone with the concentration in xyz over me, i didn't care b/c dude, i was getting hitched and then off to italy for a 2 week getaway. so now i have a chance to apply for a similar job but working on much cooler stuff than the last job would have allowed me. do i apply? more on this later, but i'll probably pull my usual: apply and then decide if i get an offer. whoop dee doo. i hate being an adult.

and tomorrow i'll return to good old umass for homecoming. i'll see great friends, old ones, relive memories, be the band geek that you all know and even see old crushes...anyway--i'm supposed to go with a big-ass zit on my face? on top of that i'll feel like a fat ass since the "gym" isn't even in my vocab anymore.

i think i've had too much wine. TGIF!

addendum to post i wrote 2 seconds ago

told you i didn't want to wash the dishes.

oh, so the baby dream? i forgot to write that isn't it weird that it was after 4 months that i had the baby and the baby was fine? is it possible to have a baby and it's fine after only 4 months? maybe that's why we left it at the hospital? because it (don't know if it was a he or she, but i think it was a she) needed urgent care?

also, i'm avoiding the gym. i don't know why. i am officially in anti-gym mode. someone please help.

i just finished watching the gubernatorial debate on tv. i don't usually watch those things...well sometimes i do. but this one confirmed it. healey is a dirty fighter, arrogant and pretty irritating. maybe not the strongest reasons NOT to vote for her, but clearly patrick is the right choice. you can tell alot by the way someone conducts themself at these things. anyway. that solves that.

so last night i had these two strange dreams that i'm surprised i remembered, but since my sleep was interrupted every hour because if i sleep near one of those light up red-numbered digital clocks, it has to be turned away or else i think i'm always late waking up or just need to watch it for some reason. weird i know but this is the way it's always been. so my sleep was not good and bub usually sleeps closest to the clock that refuses to let me sleep. anyway, back to the dreams:

dream #1: i had a baby. BUT i had the baby after only a 4-month pregnancy. i don't remember the labor BUT i think we were on something. not that we're a bunch of druggies in the dream, but bub and i left our baby in the hospital and went out and a few DAYS later realized that we should um maybe go back and get the baby from the hospital. also, i realized i should make 2 calls: one to my parents to um, let them know i had a baby! and the other was a call to my boss. i was worried that after 4 months i wouldn't be showing enough to convince my boss i should be on maternity leave. yeah. nice.

dream #2: i'm in the kitchen of our old apartment. there is this guy who isn't even attractive in the dream too. no bub. well it doesn't matter that this guy isn't attractive since he wants to play a game. he wants to blindfold me with a napkin--the cloth kind. he wants me to hold the rest while he tries to stab them with a knife. WHAT??? i tell him that he'll probably stab them and me and then i don't remember anything except waking up next to the bright clock and feeling a tad bit scared.

so that's it for dreams.

and finally: a thought while driving home: if we just chose different words with which to tell our stories, would we all be great writers? best selling authors?

ok, off to wash the dishes. yuck.

The end of a blog

It has recently come to my attention that two people within the last week have ended their blogs. They broke up wtih cyberspace if you will. One makes mention that there is nothing left to be said. And we all know that can't be true. But it is stated that there are other things to try. I agree. However I don't see how someone comes to a decision such as this. And even if I did, I'm not sure I would openly post something that said "Farewell, cyberfriends!" or maybe I would. But then again I don't plan on not writing anymore here anytime soon. For some of you, that's good news, for some it's not. And for most, no one really ever reads this thing anyway.

Another ex-blogger wrote that he's signing off blah, blah, blah and this post happened to be the first time I was reading his blog ever. And I became truly upset. I had discovered written entertainment and a sneak peek into someone's life, a new blog to link to, but now why bother? I didn't even get to know the blogger and wham--we're already broken up.

Why do you think people suddenly decide to end their blogs?

friday notes

First: YIPPEEE! It's Friday! : )

Second: I have some things to share with everyone.

First, I'm on the hunt for a GREAT book. Dear friend Daily Editor let me borrow a book of short stories which has been a smashing hit. However, the time has come to now read something else as I am almost done with the book she let me borrow oh, a million years ago. I've been reading about new releases and scanning Amazon reviews for something good. I don't like to trust Amazon which is why I am asking for you to please help me find a new book. In fact, I have a date at the bookstore come lunchtime to choose something to indulge in this weekend.

I have not exercised since I've been back from the book fair. I'm feeling soft and squishy and I'm in a procrastination funk. Today is my half-birthday. You'd think I'd get my ass in gear on a momentous day like this one. But you see, it's ever so difficult to want to exercise, let alone do so on a Friday after work. I set my alarm to get up early this morning however I just HAD to stay up last night and watch that show 6 degrees. I missed last week's episode and Bub didn't even watch it for me (no surprise) so I don't know who the young new chick is kissing the photographer dude. Other than that, I don't think I missed much. If I did, please let me know. Also, why is it on at 10? I am getting old and bedtime at 11 is just not working out.

And finally this is the last bit to share since I really ought to be working (shhh)...I f-ed up the colors on my blog. The new lovely colors I chose show up on the "preview" bit, but I saved them and republished my blog and index a bajillion times and now I have drunk colors that aren't so pretty. Please help if you can.

Ciao.

getting closer, but not there yet

Thanks to Lufthansa, I've returned from my second trip to Germany for the annual book fair. I was mentally prepared for it having been through the experience one year ago. I shopped for outfits that would make a good impression not only to new partners who had never met me in person, but to boost my confidence when presenting our business model. I was almost perfectly organized, although most of the paperwork I did last year was repeated this year, but I felt even more in tune with knowing I was ready for any of our many meetings.

When I left last Monday evening in a somewhat pathetic tearful goodbye--this would be my first trip away from Bub as a married couple--I felt a homesickness that started a few days prior to the trip when I know I would be inundated with the monotony of it all. That I would yet again be with my manager 24-7 as though a child who needed to be kept on a leash and watched. It irked me and it was hard to keep my cheerful disposition up, difficult to keep the facade going, and very exhausting. And again, I drooled over the many creative outlets that come alive at this fair, consisting of exhibition center upon exhibition center upon exhibition center.

I was able to connect with two people--one stranger and one acquaintance--about starting my own "thing"...what that is, I don't know. But I'm getting closer. And I feel that by complaining that I don't know where to start, how to go about it, what to do, how to fund it, I'll just leave it at this: we met with a number of people who are the the very people who started their businesses from nothing, even went on to sell them to large notable companies only to start from scratch again.

What are their books like? Dreadful. Boring. Yuck. So if they can succeed at building a business on this stuff, then I would like a go at starting something even though it may never grow to be something quite as successful. And as my father said, you just have to jump right in.

I actually got homesick for my first job. Not to be an editorial assistant. My goodness, never do I wish for that again. But seeing the books I had worked on when I was fresh out of school and seeing the people who I once saw every day, and reflecting on those people who I used to work closely with and had close friendships with (some are still friends, thank goodness!), I wonder if I've migrated far away from what it was that I vowed to do when I was still in college: crack into trade publishing.

I'm afraid that excuses are no longer valid any more. In fact, the ones I use are tired and useless at this point.

At an age where I'm migrating away from the days when classes, band, and reading and writing papers to receive my degree are slipping away, I feel some what old. Although I know I'm not by society's standards, I feel as though I am by mine. Because now that I'm married and haven't fully decided if I should return to school (we all know that law school it mostly likely won't be and that's okay), a family is in our future at some point and well, being an adult is getting harder by the day.

quick and tired

I got new glasses. I haven't shopped for new ones in a long while and thought it might be nice to see--to really see--with them.
I got bangs. They're on the longer side, and I've been enjoying styling them instead of combing my hair back into the everyday pony; now I actually take time to dry my hair. It's getting kind of long!
I had my review. I had no expectations but will be receiving a raise. Not sure how much, but it's happening apparently. Oh and when you're more reserved about rating yourself highly, it's nice when your boss does that for you.
I'm gearing up for Frankfurt. I almost wish I could skip out and hit Oktoberfest, but no such luck. It's not that I don't like book fairs. But they remind me that I'm slightly off from where I want to be in my career. It helps me realize where I do want to be (I thinK!). I'm trying to look forward to the bustle of everything. It's publishing at its largest. It's completely international that it makes you forget that uh, there are other countries that publish books!
Finally, before I completely pass out because I am tired and yes, it is only 9:33pm here, we're still thinking about that house. In fact, one of my coworkers actually asked if we bought it b/c it had been a while since I had talked to her and about the house specifically. So the answer to that question is no. No, we haven't bought it, but dear husband and I both agree that if someone did buy it that we would be pretty upset. So it must be revisited. Just not tonight on this fall Tuesday.
I'm ready for Halloween. Too bad we have only one potential trick or treater.

Tommy

The Who's Tommy is the first live performance I saw. It started with a solo trumpet, followed by several tubas. Then the entire field started moving.

In a few short weeks I'll be returning to my alma mater to realize how I came to love fall.

Camp is over, practice starts at 4:40. 6:10 and we are called to the podium.

Eyes with pride.

It's so hard to describe. I watched the innaugural video tonight. I was more moved by the 1997 version of Tommy--the first show I saw where the band performed.

I saw my friend, one year older, past color guard captain, a role I had taken on, in that sea of red, now white.

Sure, you can listen and see the band here. But you can't feel it the way I do.

We performed it my graduating year. It's never the same. You're always being compared to the older class.

My old roommate is now 'back in my life' whatever that means. Right now I don't know what to think. I just know that my memories are kept alive by the music.

I can't wait to see it in the flesh on October 21st.

I can't even comment on the percussion either.

Inaugural Parade
Yes, I'm one of the blurry girls!

Tommy
But not the year I did it. This is the version I was referring to. 1997 edition.

Cadence
1994 version, not that I can tell the difference because they sound this way today.

quick II

I've just finished putting on my 'jammas. I had the pants on, now I wear the "outdoor divas" shirt that doubles as a sleep shirt. It's hot in our home and it smells like garlic from the homemade pasta sauce bub prepared.

He's watching a western in the other room even though he said he'd turn off the tv after House. I made brownies last night--and even added the called for pecans to the mix. They turned out wonderful but I like them when they're not quite finished baking. These turned out to be baked as the recipe called for.

I'm so tired and haven't been to sleep before 11 any night yet. I know this is early for some--and used to be for me--and then I learned that if you're not kind to yourself about your bedtime, the day which follows can bite you in the ass.

We met with an accountant--not my sister--to discuss the pros and cons of saving our condo and consuming the monthly rent that would come or sell it to use the profit to pay for our new house. We're feeling more knowledgable about the options, but not yet final with our decision.

There are things about our 1-bed that I like. I love hardwood floors--the shine, the laquer, the cleanliness. We have carpet. Newer, soft, fluffy. I grew up with both in my house and learned to appreciate the way carpet feels on barefeet and socked feet. I still like it better than wood floors.

We're on the top--fifth--floor and nothing compares to coming home to see the vivid wine walls against deep plush blue sofas. It screams comfort and cozy.

We have our little leak, our annoying faucet, our scabby shower paint that is starting to curl in one pesky spot, but it's home. It's where we live.

quick

it's friday, thank goodness!
we are off to the cape for a wedding. our first nuptials ceremony as hubby and wifey.
tonight we are watching our wedding video for the first time (if it arrives at work...i'm hoping so).
we are going to bloomy's to see if we can purchase some stuff off our registry: namely a pots and pans set (we got a new wok!) and luggage (we said bye-bye to bub's beat-up, old green bag after our HM).
i'm getting my nails done tonight and if i don't find something to wear to the 2pm wedding tomorrow afternoon my choices are a salty swimsuit or nothing at all.

Home

I told my mother about the house on my ride home from work tonight (read: I just got home--nice, huh?). She gave positive feedback: Oh, that's nice. Oh, it's good to look. Yes, it's a buyer's market. You're right to collect all your information and look. But she's very cautious about rewarding me with 100% positive feedback on something so new (our search for a house). It was strange to tell her about it because it seems like such a grown up thing to do.

For those of you who don't know, bub is older than me and owns our place now. So this is my first home-buying experience (we're not buying yet, don't worry), so for me, I don't know much, but I've learned tons from going through the looking process with bub for the place we live at now. I went through all the motions with him: make an offer, counter the offer, purchase and sale, home inspection, PAINT, MORE PAINTING, CLEANING, RUGS CLEANING, and the closing. Well, the closing happened earlier than the painting and cleaning. And my name doesn't appear on the deed or whatever because we weren't married--not even engaged--but I still feel like I'm full owner here since bub is so nice to have included me in as his painting buddy and cleaner : )

Anyway, enough house talk. I'm sipping some chianti reserva and remembering Italy and I don't want to write any more about the future. I want to dwell on now.

Folks, I'm dying here. My job isn't miserable. It's just dry as hell. I have started breaking my golden rule which is, I've been looking--quickly--at job boards while at work. I fear that someone will email me any day now and tell me to pack my things and leave. My boss spoke to our HR rep behind closed doors the other day (I know this because I'm the only one in my department with a cube and can hear for miles) but couldn't quite hear their conversation and I fear my boss is getting ready to give me the boot.

Thing is, I don't care. Sad, huh? I'm ready for the NBT. (Next BIG Thing). I capitalize "big" because it needs to be. I'm 26 years old and it's about time I had a plan. I followed the college plan, then the "get a job" plan. And here I am. I've had a job. I've had 3 since college, including this one. And #4 needs to appear. And soon. So I'm ready. I'm energetic, creative, and fun. Bring it on; sign me up. Until then, I'll be wishing for water in my dry cube.

House

Dear Friends,

I write this as I sit at my desk at work because the House consumes my thoughts and because you all know how work has been going lately...so I'll try to keep this quick for fear I'll feel guilty about not working and writing this instead.

First, I like the TV show House and cannot wait for the new season to start.

Second, I had a dream last night that I was still at work with only 1/2 hour left to go before I was to be at the church getting married to bub. Go figure. Phew; at least I had my priorities in order in real life--I had already been off for 3 days before the wedding even took place.

Anyway, yesterday we went to see a house. It wasn't an open house since we weren't around last weekend and won't be around this weekend. Bub found it on the trusty MLS site and seeing as how, in a prior life, he was in real estate and seeing as how his best man and best friend, is our broker, I knew that some day he'd find something truly wonderful to get excited about.

So. He found it.

I'm not sure it's the "it" or it's the "one" or whatever. I don't want to get myself all worked up, but I know it's too late because I am. First, it scares the bejesus out of me because I knew we wouldn't stay in bub's 1-bed condo forever, but because this finding a house thingy is sort of happening quickly.

So last week bub sends me an MLS listing with pictures to said house. It looks nice, but they tend to take pictures of the good stuff only: shiny floors, bright windows, plush lawns, cute detached garage with flower box, screened in porch with tiny patio perfect for grilling. No photos were shown of the bathrooms (!), the kitchen (!!), or all the bedrooms (!!!)--so lots can be left to the imagination.

So we did a drive by. We drove by it slowly once. We backed up and drove by it again. We started to head back home when I said that I didn't get a good look since bub had been closer to it from where he was in the car than I was and I wanted to go back. So we went back.

He was excited about the thought of owning this house. He was excited about the classic look and style of it.

I was the negative nilly. It could be a craphole inside, I flatly announced. The kitchen could be a hole. The bathroom could be scary. The rooms could be tiny. The closets could be non-existant.

We drove home and I told him, let's make an appointment to see it since we can't go to the open house. And last night, I almost fell in love.

More after work if I can.

competition

I never really considered myself to be competitive. But I think I am.

I always wanted to be the one who did a better job, got the higher grade, received the most compliments, wore the prettier outfit...

But I feel like it's the personalities of others who bring out the competitive demon in me. For example, the wedding. It was our day, a most magical day, reflective of our tastes, personal characteristics (yes, we chose to have a Catholic wedding--mass and all), and everything about it was us. But you'd attend a friend's wedding just before and see that she had a photo montage playing all through dinner, an ice sculpture (she didn't, but this is just an example), and a tribute to deceased relatives. And I wondered, should we be doing this? Because we're not doing this, is that okay?

How silly does that sound?

I think part of the competitiveness stems from insecurity that what I do personally will not reflect my true character, my personality, me. And I think that by proving that I'm a worthy person, much more than a lavish wedding, someone who wants to feel like she's got style--I want to be thought of as more than that. I'm sure we all do. But lately I don't feel that I've given off that vibe.

People can suck you into being someone you're not. I don't blame anyone imparticular for feeling especially materialistic; the wedding industry thrives on it. But I like to think that my life isn't about competing. And it certainly shouldn't be about that when it comes to who I'm friends with.

I make a damn good pineapple upside down cake.

Happy Birthday to my husband!

I congratulated myself on Friday for at least two things.

First being that I told my boss I had jury duty (and I did) but made no mention that if I wasn't picked to serve that I would attempt to make it into the office.

When they released us at 11:00am that morning, I felt guilty for one moment after I heard someone who had also been in my jury pool call who I believe to be a colleague and say that they'll be able to make that conference call after all.

I felt guilty.

But then I snapped out of it. I mean, after all, this was my first jury duty experience and I needed to reflect on it the rest of the day.

The second item I congratulated myself on was appreciating the finer things. This all boils down--currently--to my career and the turn that it took a little over a year ago. To sum it up quickly and as painlessly as possible, it lacks creativity and moisture. So in turn that means it's on the boring side and it's dry. Yes, I know. A bad analogy, but give me a break, especially since we're a mere few hours away from the Monday morning blues.

So as I walked down Congress Street towards my husband's office (boy, do I sound grown up or what?? Husband!), and before I ran into him randomly as he stepped out to go to the bank, I took in the fact that I miss "the energy". Actually, when describing this feeling of excitement, sadness (I used to work in the greater Boston area), and yearning to work in the hustle and bustle of the city, it was my friend who said that she knew what I meant. That the city has this energy. And she nailed it dead on.

So I congratulated myself for taking in all the simple items of the city that I once took for granted for a mere 7 months: the especially windy air, the random people who chant "Let's go Red Sox" when you're not even near Fenway. The charged business people who are psyched that it's the weekend and gather in clusters to grab lunch, cure their hangovers, or maybe even start happy hour early. I visited H&M and DSW because at my job you can't walk to anything except for a Dunkin Donuts which happens to lie on a 2-lane highway nearby.

And the question in my head still persists: How come I can't work in Boston? How come I can't start my own thing? How come I'm at a job I'm not enjoying completely?

Lately, I feel like I've been in great spirits. I just married my best friend, I just had a most fantastic honeymoon, it's still summer and I don't dislike the fall, but will miss the warm temps, I'm starting over in a way with a new name, with new goals as a married 26-year old woman. Then there's the big BUT...and many goals to follow. One is that I make too many excuses as to why I do not accomplish things. This could be from exercising to cleaning to calling up my aunt who always calls me first. But I'm not sure I have a good excuse for not doing my own "thing"...whatever that is, I guess I should start to figure out. Because right now, I have no other plan B. I have no excuse.

Very honey moon

So...Italy.

I neglected to post about it earlier.

It was perfect.

I was nervous. Bub and I get grouchy when we travel to foreign countries overnight and then have to trek to the hotel only to learn that our room isn't ready and why don't we explore on our own for a bit until the proper check in time? Well it was different with Italy because after the 6:45pm flight which landed us in Munich at 8:45am the next morning and then the flight to Naples which got us there in the late morning/early afternoon, there was the hour or so train ride to Sorrento (our second city destination of the trip, although we wished we were "there by now") and then a good 45 minute bus ride to Positano. It's around 3pm at this time. And we aren't grouchy. And although no couple is perfect, I felt like our honeymoon was.

Lots of sunshine and heat made up for the overcast and drizzley day which was the weather for our wedding (we barely concerned ourselves with it). The swimming was the best of our lives so far. The winery tour in Florence, the private cooking class, the romantic evenings overlooking the scenic Amalfi coast really captured what this trip was.

Not a vacation. Not a European trip. Not time off. Our honeymoon. One and only.

We ate like there was no tomorrow. We drank and were merry--we only had one real drunken night because we wanted to appreciate everything--from the celebratory champagne to the house red wine to the sparkling light beer.

We saw David, the famous statue who made me an official art appreciator, if there is such a term. We saw famous paintings and learned about Da Vinci--and not because of the bestselling book.

I was withdrawn and melancholy with bittersweet feelings on our ride to Italy. Time on the plane does that to you. But it wasn't until we finally put our clothes in drawers at the first hotel we stayed at that Peter realized that I was bothered by our big day--our mere few hours in the limelight dressed up for all our family and friends was now a new memory; I needed to hear something positive. I needed some cheer.

Bub said: Look out the window. And I did. I saw out for miles, to the right and left, little terra cotta rooftops, rock, cliff, a blue-green sea you wonder about when you see it in a brochure for vacations. It really is that color. I felt the breeze on my cheeks, it playing into my hair slightly. I felt the warm sun on my scalp and heard children splashing in the ocean many feet steeply below. I turned to him and he said: Look. Just look. Don't miss out on this. We're married.

Yes we are.

Mrs.

I've tried to post the aftermath of the wedding here and my honeymoon too.

But for some reason, I can't get out what I want to say.

So for now, I'll simply type this:

Our day, our very special day was not ruined by raindrops, large fluffy things in the sky, or that I wore my blusher veil during the reception instead of the other one, as planned.

Our day was worth the stress, tears, energy, effort, endless planning and I wouldn't change one thing about it. Nothing is ever perfect, but I sure feel like my husband is.

But I want to take this post to thank some special people in my life: my family and friends.

I thought I would have been more emotional when I danced with my father.

Dad, I love you and we're so deeply connected by something I can't explain with a computer, not even with a pencil.

Mom, although we don't see things the same way--sometimes it feels like we never do--you only want the best for me and I for you. For a lack of a better sentiment, you were my rock.

Certainly not least, to my sister: I know this must have been an odd event for you; you're the eldest daughter, the one who should go before me in everything. And you have--but don't give up finding that one special person for you. You will. You were my other rock during this crazy time.

To all the rest of you out there--the ever important friends--you are a foundation I hope we have all the days of our lives. A best friend reminded me that she found letters we wrote one another during the summer when the Internet wasn't yet up and running so email wasn't around. She has the words I wrote to her when we graduated middle school, then high school, then college. They remind me how far we've come in our friendship.

I think there's so much more to come in life. A wedding is what it is--one day--most important to the two people who found love in one another. But it's the people who surround and shower you with life, they open your eyes on that day and make you realize who really cares, who has been listening, and that feeling is one of the best ones you can hold in your heart.

Thank you.
-Mrs. Ripe

I wanted to write last night, but the adrenaline ran out and I was left exhausted, but elated.

The rehearsal made today seem all the more real. It went smoothly and I felt great. Not only were loved ones starting to pop up in the area, here they were in the church I went to growing up, waiting for further instruction on how to process in, where to sit, stand and so forth.

It's been a busy 11 months. And an even busier past few days. The computer and refrigerator hums make it all the more ordinary--just another Saturday. My dad joked with me last night: "Big plans tomorrow?" I replied with "Not really; maybe I'll catch a movie."

To some this is any other day, but for me this is the first taste of married life, this is me giving my complete self before loving witnesses to my soul mate. And although I'm not too sure about the term 'soul mate' it's because Hallmark likes to make money off it.

Seriously though, I can't imagine not being with bub. Not because he's been in my life for five years and a day. It's because we've worked hard on our relationship, on our laughter and tears, on our smiles and bad days, and on our love for one another.

It is work; whoever said that relationships are, is right. But I believe that's because we are always changing--day to day, month to month, year to year. And although that's all fine and well, when your love withstands these changes, you know you've found something really special, someone really special to give your heart to.

My advice to the cyberworld readers, if there are any is simple: never let go of the fuzzies you feel when you meet someone; the feeling can and has the potential to last an eternity.

-ripe

Trying to feel

I've been asked more and more about my excitement about the event that will occur in just 4 days. And more and more I feel forced about what I reply with: Yeah! Of course! Very excited! And by replying with these words, I've lost sight of how I really feel.

But I'm not feeling anything except for what I have left to do, how I should feel, and I'm getting worried that I'm not excited enough at this very moment.

Bub tells me it will come and don't get me wrong, I get these bursts of excitement when I'm in my car and I just sort of yell. Or I'll be sitting at my desk and think I'M GETTING MARRIED!

I guess I don't believe it. I guess I've been waiting so long and trying to remedy my lines that I haven't had time to think that there's a whole weekend coming up.

I'll be ready for it. I promise!